Okay- on the count of three- everyone take a deep, deep breath with me. Ready? One...two...three... Breathe in... Now let it out slooooowly... exhale all that bad energy and all that nasty craziness from the past nine months. Do it again... and again... and again. Do it as many times as necessary to erase the trauma from your mind. ;)
There. Feel better? I know I do. It is good to be back. Or should I say getting back. I have spent the past week or so getting back my old life- my old self- my old priorities- my old style. It is taking some work, I am finding out, to truly let go of the crazy busy "wheredoIhavetobenext?Whatisgoingontoday?
HowwillIevergetitdone?OopsTimeforbed" mental status of this past year. I am re-learning how to enjoy my life, how to actually live my life, how to enjoy my children. And it is heavenly. Ahhhhh.... life is sweet.
I have wanted to post so many things over the past few months. I even started composing a "What has this experience taught me?" post in my head. The only thing I could think of is that I have learned that I never want to live that way again! Which I suppose is probably the best thing I could have learned.
Over the past several months, as I have struggled with balancing my time and keeping everyone afloat, many, many things have happened which prove that life just keeps trucking along. Samantha celebrated her ninth birthday in March. Jeremy celebrated his eighth birthday in April. Anna celebrated her first birthday in May. (poor Joshua- he's a November baby) We again started baby chicks- this time 26 little peepers joined our farm family. We also indulged Derick's wish to try his hand at turkeys and so have a small flock of 16 baby turkeys in the old barn. (I will post pictures someday) The garden is in, the flower beds have been carefully tended. Soccer season started and is almost over already- that was crazy too with three kids on three different teams. Baseball season just started. We ended our Wednesday night church program with an awesome Sunday service that the kids did from start to finish. I was "in charge" of this and so was pretty nervous but all went wonderfully well. Hmmm... what else? I know there have been many other things that would have provided great blogging material but darned if I can remember them now.
My plan now is this... I must get a grip on my house (and the mess it holds) in order to feel like I have some semblance of control over my life. That's priority #1. Second thing is for me to get my mental state in order as far as school goes. I must become a homeschooler again- I must begin again to see the educational value in everything we do- I must again seek out those opportunities to learn- both for me and the kids. Basically- I must focus all (or most of) my energies on teaching my children. And third- I need to work on nourishing those areas of my soul that have been zapped by the circumstance we found ourselves in. And promise to never, ever do that to myself again. From here on out, I will be uber-protective of my (and my family's) commitments and will not be afraid to give a resounding No! to those requests for my help or participation in things. And I will give up the notion of ever balancing a career and family- it is my honest opinion that it simply can't be done- or at least done well.
Now- I am off to make a list. I am not a list-maker by nature, but the state of my house is such that I am willing to give it a try. I am completely overwhelmed by this task and if you could see my house you would see why. It's complete chaos and I know it is affecting how my children function. They are overwhelmed by it all too. And the thing is? Before I had children I considered myself a pretty organized person. Not necessarily a great housekeeper, but organized nonetheless. I have completely lost that skill and I desperately want it back. Does anyone know where I can get my hands on some of that? ;)
I hope to be digging in to some of the piles tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great night!
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3 comments:
Oh man, if you could only see my house and what an absolute disaster it is right now...
My husband (funny guy he is) keeps telling me: How do you eat an elephant? ... One bite at a time.
And that's how you handle your house. One thing at a time. Don't take it all in at one time. That's much too overwhelming. One day at a time.
Thanks so much for commenting on my blog today. I have missed you terribly! Man I can't believe your kids are getting so old (of course I mean that in a good way).
Do take care, dear, and keep us up to date on your progress. You know what helps me? Posting before and after pictures. Take a picture of the room you are cleaning before you clean, and then when you are done. It's that sense of accomplishment that helps us keep going.
Love ya!
dawn
Oh, you're back! You're back! You're... are you really back? ;-) I sure hope so. I've missed you.
It sounds like you've gone through a lot together this past nine months. And you must never just spring your children's new ages on us like that again, okay? Because, truthfully, my ol' ticker just can't hack it. NINE?!?! EIGHT?!?! *sob -- ONE?!!? *sob* Wow. Thankfully, we can ease into November. :-)
I don't know if this will help you, but when my house gets so out of hand that I just don't know where to begin, I paralyze. I simply stare at it and it's like I've been chemically lobotomized. Suddenly, I can't remember how to clean a house. So what I do, to help kick-start myself, is stand at the entrance to a room, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. Then I open them, as if I've just walked into the room - the first thing I see that doesn't look right is the first thing I handle. Then I sort of mill about around my feet, working outward from that one spot until I start to feel lost again. When the confusion and paralysis sets in (could be 30 seconds, could be half an hour - there's no set time), I just get up, go back to the door and do the eye-closing thing again.
OK, and here's my theory behind it. 1) It breaks the tasks up into chunks, manageable chunks, as my peripheral vision isn't so great, so what I see first is usually not huge. (And you don't get to stand there and stare at the room - it has to be the first thing that catches your eye for this to work.) 2) I believe you get more bang for the buck with this method. When you walk into that room again, odds are good that the first thing you see now will be a tidy spot, a dealt-with spot. Yay you! Nearly-instant gratification with a minimum of work. (Too bad all of life doesn't work that way, but it's a fantastic way to get out of the overwhelmed mode.)
Zorak thinks I'm a bit wonky. But then he'll take *everything* off a bookshelf and start doing a deep clean on it when I've just asked for help straightening (in a panic-stricken whimper because his childless, German-quality-housekeeper friends are two miles down the road and would like to swing by while they're in the neighborhood). So. You know. Perspective can affect the validity of this plan quite a bit. :-)
Oh, kiss those babies (no matter how big they've gone and gotten!)
Dy
Thanks ladies- it's nice to be missed! I hope I am back for good now.
Thanks for the advice on cleaning the house. Dy- I like your idea of tackling the first thing you see after you open your eyes. I like to play little mental games with myself like that. I have also been wanting to try Flylady's 27 Fling Boogie. But the thought of parting with 27 things at once is too much for me! And therein lies the problem it seems... ;)
I was thinking about posting before and after photos but the before photos are too shameful. Maybe I will post "halfway done" and after photos instead!
Either way- it feels good to just be making some progress, even if it is baby steps.
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