One thing I never want to do again

Yesterday was tough. Derick and I attended the funeral for our friends' little boy with MD that passed away. It was at the same time a beautiful and yet horrible experience.

The service was really, really nice. The music was a combination of hymns and contemporary music including Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. The pastor's message was comforting and full of hope, even when he had to stop to get ahold of his emotions. He could barely get out the words when he said, "I know Kaden is resting in the arms of Jesus right now."

They had many pictures of this little guy's short life. He was smiling in almost every one. I always hate it when people stand around a casket and say, "Oh, he looks so good." But in this case, it was really true. Kaden looked like he was sleeping- just taking a little nap. His baby skin looked so soft and smooth- I felt like I wanted to reach out and rub his leg. He reminded me of Anna when she naps.

His big sister tried to give a little eulogy but couldn't quite get the words out. When we got there I asked his dad how they were holding up and he said, "I hope this is as bad as it ever gets."

He was born only five days after Anna so it was really hitting home with us. I was able to be strong when Derick struggled and he was able to be strong for me. And we were both able to be strong for Kaden's family. His grandma did say that they were feeling he was in a better place, especially because he was so sick. But it still isn't fair.

I hope I never have to go to a funeral for a baby ever, ever again. It just isn't right.