My Two Cents

I've Moved!!!!

2008-02-07T15:49:00.001-06:00

Please come and join me at

Enjoying the Story.

Until I figure out how to re-direct people automatically, you'll have to do it yourselves by clicking the link.
C'mon, I know you can do it!
One finger up?.... Ready?..... and... click!

The coffee's hot, the cookie jar is full, and the conversation is sure to entertain.
So come on over and say hello - we'd love to have you!

Jules

So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu...

2007-10-19T23:04:00.000-05:00

It's time to say good-bye. At least for now.

My life is so full with raising my children that this blog is incredibly neglected. And so rather than make excuses for why I cannot blog regularly, I am just going to end it. Possibly forever, possibly not. If time ever permits in the future I may come back to it. I have enjoyed sharing our lives with you and I have really enjoyed you sharing your lives with me. There are so many of you who have been a huge source of wisdom and encouragement for me, especially in my struggles to get my family on the homeschooling path. For that I thank you.

I do plan on hanging around and throwing a comment out there now and again. And if anything incredibly exciting happens (like winning the lottery) I will definitely post it, so check back every once in a while.

In the meantime, have a great night and peace and blessings to all of you.

A little reinforcement

2007-10-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

It's always about the money around here. As much as I do not want it to be that way, it seems impossible to change. When you don't have it, you worry about where it's going to come from. Constant pressure about which bills to pay, which to put on hold, how to cut costs and reduce expenses, should we borrow from Peter to pay Paul...

When it gets really bad, I begin to doubt my efforts in this battle to live the life we're living. Sometimes it's such a struggle to continue down this path. It is a lifestyle that I fight to maintain. It would be so easy to switch directions, go out and get a full-time job, put the kids in school, find someone to watch the baby for a couple of hours a day and call it good. If I did that, money would never be an issue for us again.

But I know I would never be happy with that type of life. That is not what I want for myself and my family and so I continue the battle, fighting every day to stay afloat and provide my kids with the type of childhood they deserve.

When in the thick of things, a little reinforcement can go a long way towards uplifting and encouraging the discouraged. A breakthrough moment when your child grasps a concept and you rejoice with them, or a tender moment between siblings that would never have occurred if they had been in school. Those are the things that keep me going. Lucky for me, I had two experiences this week that, while small, succeeded in making me even more confident in my ability to continue this fight.

The first was my initiation into the world of homeschooling families in my area. We have no support groups that meet regularly. In this community, you are very much on your own. This week there was an attempt to start a homeschooling 4H club. We attended an informational meeting and I got to meet some of the other families in the area. I was so impressed! There were kids of all ages and they all played so well together. The teenage boys actually looked at me when they spoke! One of them even cracked a joke with me. They were all so comfortable being around other people - it was such a nice experience! After the meeting, the kids all went outside to play tetherball. They broke themselves up into teams without excluding anyone, and managed to take proper turns without anyone fighting. One of the boys, who looked to be about 16, comfortably held an 8 month old baby girl, not his own sister. It was so refreshing to see those kids and it made me so happy that mine are at home.

To contrast that, today Samantha had basketball practice at the school. It is only an hour, so the boys and I have been just hanging around, wandering the halls and playing with the baby until she's done. This afternoon we were walking around and I stopped to look at a poster of "Today's Stars" by the office. (blech) The boys had Anna by the hands and walked around the corner, out of my sight, although I could still hear them. They didn't get far when I heard an adult female say, "Hey! What are you doing? pause Are you here for basketball? Then you need to be in the gym!" My little Joshua, the quiet one, says, "Our sister plays basketball so we're just walking around." Then that other voice again, "No, you're not just walking around. You need to be in the gym." Her tone was very rude and I was insulted that she would talk to my kids that way, especially when they really were just walking around! I came around the corner, gave her a "look", picked up the baby and went into the gym. Then my anger and defiance rose to the surface and I marched all of us right back out of the gym and went and sat on the benches by the front door, just daring her to come and say something to them with me there! I was all fixed to say something to her about whose taxes have paid for this building anyway! They continued to play with Anna up and down the hallway, but the woman was gone. Darn! I was sort of hoping for a show-down! ;) The boys kept asking me why they had to go in the gym - they didn't understand the reasoning behind it when they knew they weren't doing anything wrong by just walking down the hall.

While we were sitting on the benches by the door, people were coming in to attend other functions at the school. Anna was in her glory, waving and saying "Hi!" to everyone who walked past. A few of the boys - mostly junior high aged - would not wave back or say hi to her or even acknowledge any of us. They just kept looking down at their feet and walking. Well me and my big mouth couldn't let that opportunity pass, so I would say something like, "C'mon, you can at least say hi!" or something else to get them to respond. Most of the time they would crack a smile but still keep on walking. It was such a sharp contrast to the boys we met yesterday that I again was so very glad that my boys are at home.

These are the moments that keep me going when the going seems all uphill. It's a nice little reminder of why the battle is worth fighting.

Isn't this supposed to be a homeschooling blog?

2007-10-02T22:20:00.000-05:00

I figured it was time for an update on that thing we do around here called schoolwork. (do you call it that? I sometimes call it "lessons" but schoolwork is the term that I use the most)

Hmmm....

Ummm.....

*crickets*

Oh. Yeah. I guess that's my cue, huh? To update you on any things of educational value that we have been doing?

It's so hard to sort out the "school" from the "life" sometimes. The two things are so often intertwined. Circumstances have recently been such that most of our learning has not taken place between the pages of a book. But I can guarantee that the children are learning. They are learning how to be a good friend. They are learning how to comfort those who are grieving. They have learned about drinking and driving. They have learned how to be extremely sad and yet continue to function on a daily basis. They have learned to always wear their helmets. They have learned to pray for those who have suffered a loss. Oh, wait a minute. These are the things I have learned this past week! ;)

Official schoolwork came to a screeching halt last week as I tried desperately to sort out my emotions. It's amazing to me how this stuff works, though. On a random trip to the library at the beginning of last week, Jeremy pulled a movie off the shelf and asked if we could check it out. It was called The Sign of the Beaver and I am sure he was attracted to the picture of the log cabin and the boy dressed like a frontiersman on the front of the movie case.

It sounded like a good story and then I saw that it was based on a book by the same title. I have a rule that, whenever possible, we must read the book before watching the movie, so I looked the book up, found it in the young adult fiction section and checked it out too. We started reading immediately, only because the boys were anxious to watch the movie.

I cannot believe I have never heard of this book!! It quickly became one of those that we could not stop reading, which doesn't happen often with my active boys. The basic plot line is about Matt, a 12 year old boy, who is left behind on the frontier in Maine while his father goes back to Massachusetts to collect his mother, sister, and new baby. He becomes acquainted with a neighboring Indian boy and their relationship really deepens through the book. I won't give any more than that away, except to say that if you have kids who love old fashioned adventure, this book is perfect. I will be buying my own copy to have on our library shelves.

We read a little bit of it every day last week until we finished it on Thursday. We had some great discussions along the lines of "what would you do if...?" My boys really got sucked into the fact that Matt was only 12 and yet he was totally alone and responsible for "holding down the fort" while his family was gone. Good, good stuff.

So, yes, there has been some learning going on around here. It wasn't exactly what I had written on my schedule. It wasn't getting Jeremy any closer to independent reading, or Joshua any closer to telling time, or Samantha any closer to mastery of long division. But it did bring them closer to my heart. I will forever be grateful that this book came into our lives in the manner it did, at the time it did. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Healing

2007-10-01T22:24:00.000-05:00

Thank you for all the kind words and thoughts. Friday was a very hard day but in some ways it was also very healing.

Mike's cousin delivered an excellent eulogy. He had Mike pegged perfectly which made everyone laugh with the memories. The laughter was soothing and comforting as we remembered how Mike touched each of our lives with his kindness.

A woman who had been at the scene of the accident left a letter at Mike's home the night before the funeral. In it she described Mike's last moments and how she was there to comfort him. She said that while he was never conscious during that time, she still sat by him and held his hand and kept telling him that he wasn't alone.

Then she wrote that Mike's death had impacted her greatly because she and her husband recently bought motorcycles and they never wore their helmets. After seeing the accident and being with Mike she wrote to his family that she will never again get on her bike without her helmet.

We will miss Mike terribly and will always remember his selflessness and love towards everyone. I have made a vow to never let another opportunity go by to tell people how much they mean to me. We have loved Mike and everything he has ever done for us, but did we ever tell him so? No. Did he know how much he meant to us? Probably, but I will never know for sure. It sounds like a cliche', but it is so true. I wish I had just one minute with Mike to let him know how much we loved him. Don't let the time pass on your opportunities either. If there is someone in your life who means the world to you, tell them. Today.

2007-09-27T22:23:00.001-05:00

Sorry. No creative title today. (have I ever had a creative title?) :)

Tomorrow we go to Mike's funeral. I am not really ready for it - I know it will be so hard. I don't have a good track record when it comes to funerals. The last one I went to, (besides the one for little baby K.) I went through the viewing line at the visitation and by the time I got to the family I was so upset I think they were comforting me more than anything! I hate that!

We found out today that the woman who pulled out in front of him was drunk. That makes it even harder to take. And he was not wearing his helmet, which makes me want to grab him and shake him and yell "What were you thinking?"

I have felt surrounded by a dark cloud all week. Derick has not really shown many outward signs of grief yet. I know he is hurting and maybe it will take actually seeing Mike and attending the funeral to get him to let it out.

Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day.

For Mike

2007-09-24T23:13:00.000-05:00

A dear friend of ours was killed in a motorcycle accident last night.

We got the call this afternoon. We were too shocked to cry at first.

He was a father-figure and friend to Derick during those crazy teen years.
He was a single dad who raised two great kids all on his own.
He dedicated everything he had to his kids while they were growing up. And I mean everything.
He accepted me and loved me immediately when I first met him.
He was a groomsman in our wedding and felt very honored that we would ask him, "the old guy".
Every time we saw him he would hug us and say emphatically, "If there's ever anything you need, call me. Whatever it is, wherever you are, I don't care. You can call me." And we knew he meant it.
He was a storyteller. Any visit was sure to be chock full of stories of his mad-cap younger days - especially the one about riding his motorcycle up the steps and through the front doors of his high school. And his eyes would twinkle and he would laugh and you were never quite sure if he was pulling your leg or not.
He was one of a kind and we will miss him tremendously.

*sigh* I am really, really sad.

Perspective

2007-09-21T22:53:00.000-05:00

Whatever you have been worrying about today...

Whatever has been taking up your time...

Whatever reasons you yelled at your kids. Or your husband. Or your dog...

Read this blog and forget about everything else.

If you scroll down far enough you will read this quote:

"Take the time to look at your kids faces tonight as they sleep. You are the steward of the life you see in front of you.......give them your time, give them your love, and give them a Godly witness."

Amen.

And now it's Friday

2007-09-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

Whew. This is one week that has kept us hopping. I kept thinking September was going to be a quiet month but it sure hasn't started out that way!

Samantha has been "training" all week for her big 5k race tomorrow. We have to be there at the ungodly hour of 7:30am. Yikes. And here I sit, late night blogging! I am going to be tired in the morning. Good thing that gosh darn rooster starts his crowing at 5:30! ;)

I haven't really been able to find my groove this week. I feel a bit discombobulated, which is a word I say frequently but have never really tried to spell before. Let's just say that living in the country has its definite perks, but running into town every single day isn't one of them. Have I mentioned before that I am a homebody? I am content to just stay put. With the exception of the occasional trip to the bookstore, I would not need to go anywhere except out to the mailbox for a long, long time. Running into town every day, trying to kill an hour and then driving home has thrown off my rhythm. Not to mention that there are no groceries in the house.

Tomorrow, after the race, we will be watching the parade and then hanging out at the carnival. Those rickety old rides scare me but Samantha has made her dad promise to take her on the ferris wheel. I will just close my eyes and pretend they are still on the ground. I suppose the boys will want to ride something old and scary too. Maybe I can convince them to throw a couple of darts at some balloons instead. Or maybe, to distract me from the dangers of the traveling carnival, I could just eat some mini-donuts. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. ;)

Somebody stop this ride and let me get off...

2007-09-10T23:04:00.000-05:00

It's Monday. 'Nuff Said.

Out of the mouths of babes...

2007-09-08T23:56:00.000-05:00

In the van today, just me and the boys. Talking about how it felt strange to not have the girls with us...

Jeremy: "I like it. I don't get a lot of time without the girls."

Joshua: - pointing to me - "But there's a girl!"

Jeremy: "That's not a girl. That's Mom."

Ummmm... okay then. ;)

Are we doing something wrong?

2007-09-06T17:30:00.000-05:00

The word from the job-to-the-west today was not good news. In fact, it felt like a great big sucker punch right in the gut.

Not only did they tell us that they are not ready to look into paying a higher salary, but that they are looking into hiring an internal candidate instead. Whatever.

I am tired of this.

First we deal with companies who don't think it means anything when they say they will call you on Monday. To them, Monday means three weeks from now Monday. Or even three weeks from now Friday. It doesn't matter to them. They don't seem to care that people's entire lives could be resting on their decision to hire or not.

Then we deal with this company who promises to pay the salary you are looking for, so you make the three hour trip, spending money on gas, food and a hotel, only to find out that they are not going to offer you any more than what they said in the first place. The same amount that you told them from the very beginning was not enough. Then when you ask them for more money, they, in a sort of back-handed manner, withdraw their job offer. I just. don't. get. it.

Are we doing something wrong? Is the corporate world really that rude and self-serving? Have I been naive about the way things work? Are there any decent companies out there that will treat potential employees like human beings?

Now we are down to no leads on any jobs. The one lead that was where our friend works sounds good, but they are not looking to hire until October, if even then. The job-to-the-east (the second one) called him for an in-person interview but we decided not to pursue that one because of the location. When the person interviewing you asks, "I know where *your hometown* is. Why would you want to move down here?" that raises a few red flags. It turns out that the job was in a major metropolitan area, surrounded by other major metropolitan areas, and although we may not always know our a** from our hiney, we do know that we are not major metropolitan area people. We are small town people and that is a fact. No amount of money would make it worth it to live in a place like that. So we are staying put.

In the end, I am both a little disappointed and a little relieved. Relieved that we won't have to finagle the sale of a house with Derick living 3 hours away. Disappointed because we will not be making any more money any time soon.

There's nothing like a potential move to put things into perspective. I am now looking at my house with a renewed vision. This is our home and it looks as though it will be our home for a while. Instead of looking around at all the things that need to be done before we could sell it, I am looking at all the reasons why I love this house and all the ways I can create an atmosphere of love and peace between these walls.

Have a good night everybody.

No news

2007-09-05T20:53:00.000-05:00

We didn't hear anything from the job people today. I am assuming that they need to talk to the powers-that-be about the salary increase. That could take some time. I hate waiting but I know it is unavoidable. Meanwhile, I walk around my house and wonder if we could really sell it and if we could really live here without Derick until it sells.

Every fall, our town has its annual Fall Festival which is a typical small town celebration with a parade, carnival rides and games, food stands, beer tents, queen coronation, yadda, yadda, yadda. They host a 5k run every year to kick off the event. Samantha surprised me this week by asking if she could run in the race this year. Our Community Ed program is holding a class for 3rd-6th graders who want to run in the 5k and she wanted to be a part of it. Of course I said yes and today was her first practice. It was close to 90 degrees and the humidity was unbearable. When I picked her up her face was as red as a beet but she looked like she had fun. It's always such a nice surprise to see your children do something that you would never have had the desire or courage to do. I am not a runner and so it was pretty cool to see her as one. I hope she continues to enjoy it.

Have a great night!

First day of school

2007-09-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

As we were driving home from our weekend at the cabin yesterday, I looked at my husband and I said, "Aren't you glad that we don't have to worry about getting anyone up for school in the morning?" He just looked at me sideways and smiled. Knowing his history with the homeschooling idea, I was just glad he didn't make a last minute announcement that they were all getting on the bus in the morning! ;)

Today felt wonderful. I heard the school bus pass by at some god-awful hour of 6:45am. I snuggled under my covers and went back to sleep. As it turns out, all three of the older kids spent the rest of the day getting sick so being home was truly a blessing.

Their symptoms are funny, but followed the same pattern with each child. First was a very strong feeling of fatigue followed by the chills. Each child snuggled under a blanket and within minutes was fast asleep. A high fever and headache followed the nap, and then came the body aches and pains. It started with Samantha this morning, then Joshua around 2:00pm and then Jeremy around 6:00. There doesn't seem to be much else to it- no vomiting or stomach problems. Samantha is convinced that they have West Nile Virus because of all the mosquito bites they got this weekend. I am giggling at the fact that I have to write down when they get their Tylenol so I can keep the doses straight! Ahhh yes... life with many children. ;)

Being married to my darling husband for 12 years has taught me many things about how to communicate. I have learned that he does not do well when he has to sit down and hash out a problem or issue all at once. I could not say to him, " Come here and let's talk about this new job and let's figure out once and for all if it will work." and then proceed to sit there for an hour and talk about it. Nope. Not this guy. He prefers his discussion to be short and sporadic. We can talk about something many, many times, as long as it is short and sweet. That's how the job discussion went this weekend. We managed to talk a little bit in the truck on the way to the cabin. We talked a little bit over lunch but the kids were listening. We talked a little bit at bedtime when the kids were finally asleep. And we talked a little bit more on the way home.

In the end, nothing was really resolved or decided, and since I have also learned that I cannot push him, I stopped talking about it. He decided that he would call today and ask them if the salary is negotiable. He told them what he needed to earn to make the move and they were going to get back to him as soon as they could. So he gets off the phone and then he looks at me and says,"What if they call back and say they will pay me what I am asking? Then what?" Well my dear, we should have had that worked out before you made the call, shouldn't we? He said he could always tell them that he didn't think moving was going to work out for us and I said he could always look at this like another of life's adventures and just take the job and see what happens. So I guess we'll see what happens! ;) Hopefully they'll have an answer for us tomorrow.

Have a good night everyone!

Good news- sort of

2007-08-29T17:45:00.000-05:00

Well we heard from the place-to-the-west today. They did offer Derick a job. Wahoo!

It was not quite the salary we were expecting, although it would be more than he is making now. If he were to get all the promised overtime, then it would be more than what we both are making now.

It would not put us in a position to have me at home with no worries, unless he gets the overtime. I don't like counting on overtime because it is never guaranteed.

So I think we will soon be navigating the sea of salary negotiations. Any tips? We have to give them our answer on Tuesday so we have lots of time to work it all out.

The only other factor to consider is the move. Do we really want to do that? That has to be the first decision we make, otherwise the salary is clearly irrelevant.

I am excited and scared at the same time!

Job search update

2007-08-28T13:52:00.001-05:00

Okay. I need to vent this and no one is home but me and four young children with some other agenda. They don't want to listen to their mother whine so you get to be the lucky ones.

Remember the place-to-the-east? The one that Derick interviewed with and left that interview feeling very confident and self-assured? We expected a call from them last week with a job offer because he felt so confident. Well... he got a rejection letter from them today. *sigh*

I can't pretend that it doesn't bother me. It does. I take it personally. How can you not like my husband? Why would he not be able to do this job? Oh yeah? Well... you can take your cow air conditioners and shove 'em!

That's what I feel like saying. And it feels good to say it here because if I said it IRL I would then be known as the psycho wife.

One weird thing did happen. Derick was reading his letter, I was reading over his shoulder and the phone rang. This time it was a company from even-farther-east and they want a phone interview on Thursday morning. Wow. Just kind of a weird juxtaposition of events there.

So. We'll see what happens. We are waiting to hear also from the place he interviewed at yesterday- the place-to-the-west. We liked the area and thought we could be happy there but there are a lot of things that would have to fall into place in order for us to move.

I've been saying a lot of this:

Lord, if it is your will that we move to a new place then please remove all the obstacles in our way and make it easy for us. Send us a clear sign, Lord, because we aren't that bright sometimes. Thank you.

Our little adventure

2007-08-28T08:53:00.000-05:00

Argh!! I just posted about our weekend adventure but blogger lost it somewhere. I don't have time to re-create it so here is a brief run-down...

Derick had an in-person job interview at the place-to-the-west yesterday. We all went with him on Sunday so we could check out the area. The interview went well but, again, he was not really "excited" about the company and what they do. The pay would be really good but it would mean a 3 hour move. We are waiting to hear if they offer him the job and then we will have some decisions to make.

That's about it. I gotta run. Have a great day. Maybe tonight I can post more about the whole thing.

Check out my sister's blog . Let me warn you. She is weird. ;)

I finally did it

2007-08-24T22:57:00.001-05:00

I did it. I spilled the beans. I finally told a family member about this blog.

I don't know how many of you share your blogs with family. I hesitated because I kept thinking that I wanted a place to vent when my family starts really bugging me! I thought that if everyone knew about it then I would have to go back and delete any incriminating posts! ;)
Can I really be candid and uncensored if I know my family will be reading this?

Do any of you have secret blogs?

And KaKa- if you are reading this, then comment, would ya? ;)

They have their mothers' eyes

2007-08-23T15:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday it was the annual trip to the eye doctor for this family. I have made this an annual thing ever since Jeremy's lazy eye was diagnosed when he was five. I had glasses by the time I was in 2nd grade and I probably could have used them sooner, so when it comes to my kids' vision I don't like to mess around.

Samantha's eyes are borderline- her vision is headed down that road but it is not bad enough to need intervention unless we really, really want to torture the poor child. I am certain that by next year there will not be the option.

Jeremy's prescription is basically the same. Keep wearing the glasses for reading, school work, etc. It's not necessary to wear them all day.

Joshua climbed up in the chair and I told the doctor that I had no worries about his vision. This appointment would be just to establish a baseline for future exams. Ha. Famous last words! Turns out my little guy needs glasses too. And he has to wear them all day. Wow. I was really surprised because I honestly hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. No squinting, no headaches, no complaining about not being able to see.

This is why I want to encourage all of you to get your kids' eyes checked regularly. You never know what might turn up in an exam.

He handled it all very well and picked out a cool pair of Spiderman glassed with webs on the ear pieces. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he will be wearing these things all the time. He was even bummed to find out that we have to wait a week to get them!

Another interesting thing was that when the doctor noticed Jeremy struggling with reading some of the sentences he gave him, he asked me if I had ever researched eye tracking problems in kids. I learned a little about this over at Poppins place. I believe her daughter was dealing with it. I really didn't know much about it but he told me that with Jeremy's history of a lazy eye, which is better now, he may have some lingering visual issues that are affecting his reading. They do therapy for this right at this office, which is very cool. The very uncool thing is that it is $160 per session. The sessions are once a week for 45 minutes. Youch!! I would love to try the therapy with Jeremy (after a full evaluation) but we can't afford that. I don't foresee a time ever coming when we would be able to afford that. I am going to contact our insurance company but I doubt they will cover any of it. If not, then I guess we are back to the Hooked on Phonics!

Have a great day everybody!

A little about me

2007-08-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

First of all, I have to give a huge shout-out to my oldest blogging friend Gina. She was one of the first people to comment on my blog and to bring other comment love my way. She took a little break from the blogging scene but is back and I am excited to catch up on her life with four beautiful girls. Check her out at The Woman Behind the Blog.

I have also added a few new links to my sidebar- places I've been hanging around lately. Check them out too.

Okay- here are some little known facts about me. Ready?

I was a cheerleader in junior high and high school. (don't ask. I don't know why)
My best friend in the whole wide world has been in my life since the fourth grade.
We moved approximately every three to four years while I was growing up. The longest I ever spent in one school was my four years of high school.
The first time I got drunk was when I was fourteen at a neighbor's house. He was a grown man who used to have parties for all the neighborhood kids. Creepy.
The last time I got drunk was the summer before I got pregnant with Samantha. It was the 4th of July and I think there was something about dancing on tables. I don't really remember. ;)
I am very, very Lutheran. I come from a staunch German Lutheran family- going back generations. My maiden name is incredibly German and my sisters and I are the first in our family to marry outside of the German Lutheran faith. (our husbands are Lutheran, but not German. Yes, there is a difference.)
I hate sauerkraut and brats. (don't tell my Grandma)
I attended Lutheran elementary school through 8th grade. I then attended public high school but went to a Lutheran liberal arts college.
Derick and I met when I was a senior in high school and we both worked at the same grocery store. He worked in dairy and I worked in produce and we used to joke about him coming over to feel my melons.
I once told my mother that I didn't think I wanted to have children.
My junior year of college I suffered from a severe bout of depression. My roommates staged an intervention and told me to get help. I did.
I have had more speeding tickets than I can count.
The summer after high school I spent 8 weeks in Germany. Very cool. Except I did not speak German.
Before we had children we had dogs. These dogs were our children. That's how I knew Derick would make a great father- because he spoiled our dogs.
Having children has so radically altered my life and the way I think, I don't even recognize the old me. I feel like my life began when I had my babies.

Okay. I'm done. I don't know why I felt the need to share all of that. Some weird hormonal urge or something. I hope you enjoyed it!

When it rains, it pours!

2007-08-18T11:48:00.000-05:00

Remember a week or so ago when Derick was waiting and waiting to hear something about that one job? In a fit of frustration, I jumped online to Minnesota's and Wisconsin's job websites and sent off twelve resumes to a whole bunch of different places. I didn't care where- I was just looking for any job that he was qualified for that paid a decent salary. (yeah, I do stuff like that. And e-mail makes it so easy!)

Well, he got two hits on two jobs this past week. And one more possibility with a friend of ours who thinks he can get him a job where he works. Three potential new jobs!!

There are pluses and minuses to all of them- the first two are far away and would mean a move. One would be a two hour move to the east, one would be a three hour move to the west. Both would be using his degree. The third one would mean we could stay here, but it would not be using his degree. All of them promise to pay more than his current salary.

He had two interviews this past week with the one to the east. They didn't waste any time which was refreshing compared to what we've dealt with in the past. He interviewed on Tuesday, that afternoon they called him back and he interviewed again on Friday. It looks very promising and we are expecting a call from them on Monday. He has a phone interview with the place to the west on Wednesday.

I have been trying to stay out of it as much as possible. He knows my heart's desire to be home and with my children. I am trusting this decision to him which is a very different approach for me. This is a part of my efforts to live up to a more biblical standard in my marriage. I know that he knows how I feel and I completely trust him to make the best decision for us. It also helps that I don't really have a strong opinion myself right now! Moving would make me sad, because we love it here so much. But I know we would be okay if we did. I want him to earn more money but if he chose not to take any of these opportunities, that would be okay too because the status quo, while not ideal, is working.

I know he has had some qualms about leaving his current job because of the product that they make. They build ATV's, motorcycles and snowmobiles for gosh sakes! It's like a little boy's dream! He enjoys building a product that he can be proud of. Some of these other opportunities involve making things that aren't quite as exciting.

To support his decision-making, I keep reminding him of what it says in Ecclesiastes. If you have never read this book, I would suggest you try it. It is a great reminder of what's important in life. It says many times that it is God's gift that we should eat, drink and find satisfaction in our work. Over and over that message is there. If we have food, drink and satisfaction in our work we should not need anything else. As much as I want him to earn enough to allow me to quit working, I want him to be happy with what he is doing.

There's one thing for sure around here- things are never boring!

I will keep you posted.

It's true folks... chivalry is dead

2007-08-11T14:18:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, while in a strange town, at a strange place, in a strange twist of fate, I got a flat tire on my van. Yes, I had the kids with me. No, I don't know what I ran over.

I went to a little town about 25 minutes from home to pick up the last of our ham and bacon from the meat market. In our efforts to know exactly where our food comes from, we buy our beef and pork directly from the farmer and have it slaughtered and processed to our specifications. It really is yummier meat than what you can buy in the store. And safer.

This meat market has had our smoked items ready since June but never bothered to call. I finally thought, "Hey, where's our bacon?" and called them. Oops. Yeah. It was ready. So off we went to pick it up.

I park the van, walk into the meat place, wait about 2 minutes for someone to come to the counter. A previous customer was just leaving when he kindly pointed out that my back passenger side tire was flat. Wwhhhhaaattt??? I just drove in here on four good tires- it can't be flat! I looked out the window and sure enough, it was. Extremely flat. We went outside and could actually hear the air hissing out of the tire. Oh man!! The gentleman kindly offered to change it for me but I was still in disbelief mode. I just couldn't believe that a tire could go that flat in that short amount of time! So I told him not to worry, I would just call my husband to come and rescue me. Ha. You know what they say about hindsight.

Derick was not able to leave work as they were already two people short for the shift. Between he and I we called five people we know who were a) not at work or b) lived close enough to where I was to come and help. Not a single person was answering their phone. Not one.

Finally, I realized that I was going to have to figure this out on my own. Shamelessly, I turned the van off and opened the doors and told the kids to hang around outside and look pathetic. ;) Not really, but I did tell them that if they played outside the van then maybe someone would have pity on the woman with the flat tire and the four hot and sweaty kids. (did I mention that the temperature was close to 93 and the humidity was like 73%?)

I went back into the store to look in the phone book for a number of a friend from church. While standing there, a couple of able-bodied men walked in. Sort of half-joking I said, "Hey! You wanna change a flat tire today? haha hoho" The older guy looked at me and snapped, "Where?" I pointed at my van out the window and he literally just turned and walked away. Completely ignored me!! Didn't even say, "No, not really. " or "I'm sorry but I 've got to go." Nothing!! Just went over and picked up his meat and walked out the door. I could not believe it and I thought, that boy's mama needs to teach him a thing or two.

So we sat. No exaggeration when I say that four more young (20's-30's) men walked right past us and didn't say a word. At one point, Joshua looked at the retreating back of a young man and he said, "Um... we've got a flat tire here!" laced with just a little bit of sarcasm. I scolded him for being rude but inside I was thinking, Um..yeah..he's definitely ours.

Finally, an old guy (70-ish) stopped and asked if we could use some help. I told him I sure could and he started jacking up my van. It was so dang hot that he was dripping sweat within minutes and I started to think maybe he would have a heart attack or something. Finally, he went in and asked the store clerk if there was anyone with muscles to come and help. Two meat cutters came out and finished the job. One of them even ran home to get a real jack. Wahoo!!

And then--- my spare tire was almost flat. So we sat there and tried to figure out what to do. It was just one of those little donut tires and I was not comfortable taking it all the way home with the kids in the van and it being low on air. Just then another old guy drove up and he was like my knight in shining armor. He sounded just like my dad when he took charge of the situation and said, "You can't drive anywhere on that thing. I'll call Jessie downtown and see if he can stay open for you and he'll fix your tire." He called this little tiny service station in the little tiny downtown and arranged for the tire guy to stay and wait for me. He said, "Yeah, we got a woman here with four little kids that needs some help." Awwww..... my heart went pitter-pat. ;) Then the first old guy that stopped to help took my tire to Jessie so he could get started on fixing it while the rest of the guys got my van off the jack and got everything put away.

I drove about six blocks on that stupid little donut tire and there was this Jessie person, waiting. Another hero! He told me my tire was shot- there was a puncture in the sidewall. He found a gently used tire, mounted and balanced it, pumped up my spare and put it away, got everything back to a safe level and only charged me $37.50.

I was so thankful to everyone who helped. I think I was gushing but I wanted them to know how much I appreciated it. I hate playing the helpless woman role, but in this case, I really was helpless. I never took Auto Mechanics in high school.

When I called Derick to tell him I had found help and we were on our way home he said, "Good. Did the meat thaw out?" Nice. ;)

So we made it home but I was still very irritated by the fact that so many young men walked right past me sitting there with an obvious dilemma and never bothered to see if I needed help. It made a huge statement to me about our society when the only people who were willing to help were the over 65 crowd. It sure gave me a clearer picture of how I want to raise my boys.

So. All's well that ends well. The kids were great through the whole thing and this will fast become one of those family stories that gets told over Christmas dinner. Which will probably be ham.

Have a good one everybody!

One thing I never want to do again

2007-08-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was tough. Derick and I attended the funeral for our friends' little boy with MD that passed away. It was at the same time a beautiful and yet horrible experience.

The service was really, really nice. The music was a combination of hymns and contemporary music including Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. The pastor's message was comforting and full of hope, even when he had to stop to get ahold of his emotions. He could barely get out the words when he said, "I know Kaden is resting in the arms of Jesus right now."

They had many pictures of this little guy's short life. He was smiling in almost every one. I always hate it when people stand around a casket and say, "Oh, he looks so good." But in this case, it was really true. Kaden looked like he was sleeping- just taking a little nap. His baby skin looked so soft and smooth- I felt like I wanted to reach out and rub his leg. He reminded me of Anna when she naps.

His big sister tried to give a little eulogy but couldn't quite get the words out. When we got there I asked his dad how they were holding up and he said, "I hope this is as bad as it ever gets."

He was born only five days after Anna so it was really hitting home with us. I was able to be strong when Derick struggled and he was able to be strong for me. And we were both able to be strong for Kaden's family. His grandma did say that they were feeling he was in a better place, especially because he was so sick. But it still isn't fair.

I hope I never have to go to a funeral for a baby ever, ever again. It just isn't right.

Monday ramblings

2007-08-06T13:30:00.001-05:00

After getting dinked around all of last week by Derick's potential new job people, I told him that I wished he were in a position to tell them exactly how he felt. That if this is how they run their company, (telling us they would call by a certain day and then not calling until days later- more than once) then he wasn't sure he wanted to work for them. As it turns out, he could tell them that if he wanted to and it wouldn't matter one iota because he didn't get the job anyway.

They did say that they were very impressed with him, and would be checking around at their other locations to see if they had any openings and they would be sure to keep his resume on file for any openings in the next three to six months, blah, blah, blah. I sort of had a feeling this was coming so on Friday I got back online and sent his resume off to five different places. Maybe one of those will be the right one.

He was visibly disappointed but he tried to hide it. I just hugged him and told him that no matter what, we'll still be fine. Things will just continue to be the same for us, which isn't all bad. Sure, we could have used the bigger paycheck, but sometimes I wonder that with our money management skills, if more money wouldn't just mean more problems! ;) Anyway- we've got our health, our house, and food on the table. We really don't need much more than that, right?

I have two friends who have helped me keep my perspective today. One has an eight-month old who broke his leg on Friday and the other lost her 14 month old baby to Muscular Dystrophy on Sunday. I look at what they are going through and I thank God for all of our blessings. The broken leg isn't a life-threatening thing but dealing with the doctors and hospitals and medications and discomfort and pain really makes you think about those families who have a chronically ill child. How do they do it every single day? For years? When I asked the mother of the little boy who died how she was doing she said, "Oh. I'm strong. I'll be alright." I think her strength must be of the superhuman variety as she already has two children with MD who live their lives from a wheelchair. Strong? I'll say.

So. That's my Monday musings. Hope I didn't bring you down! ;) Have a good day everybody.

2007-08-02T14:52:00.000-05:00

I turned on the TV yesterday, expecting to hear my favorite evening news anchor and catch up on the business of the day. Instead, I saw this.

I reacted to this very much like I reacted to the news of 9/11. I felt physically ill, I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't cry. Paralyzed with disbelief.

I have traveled on this bridge. I know people who possibly travel on this bridge every day. I have many friends in Minneapolis and I immediately got out the map to see where everyone lives or works in relation to the bridge. I tried to call my parents, who frequently go into the city for work or shopping or entertainment. All the cell phone lines were jammed and I couldn't reach anyone. The news reporters finally asked people to only make absolutely necessary cell phone calls and so eventually I was able to talk to my mom. She had the same idea and had been trying to call me to make sure I wasn't in the city with the kids. And then I couldn't do anything but pray that everyone else is safe. And pray also for those who are not.

This kind of stuff makes me so sad.

Hmmm... I sense a pattern here

2007-07-29T00:49:00.000-05:00

It seems that I have been making a habit of having short-lived bursts of blogging activity and then suddenly vanishing off the face of the earth. I am sorry! I know there are just thousands of you devoted fans who check here every day for an update and go away disappointed. ;) I don't have any excuses. Life is what it is.

For us, life is extremely busy. It seems as though every weekend this month we have attended some sort of social event that does not fall under the category of "easily finagled out of". Mostly family events with some friend get-togethers thrown in. Weekdays have been similarly social and we have been falling into bed exhausted at the end of the day.

Speaking of bedtime- that is another very good reason for my lack of blogging. I seem to have a baby who will not sleep for more than 45 minutes unless she has a warm body to cozy up to. This means that I am required to lay next to her, which in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is that within minutes I am then visited by the sandman myself. Until someone can figure out a way to prop my eyelids open and force feed me caffeine, the blogging will have to wait. ;)

Derick still has not heard if he got that job or not. To say that we are frustrated is an understatement. We were supposed to hear something by the end of last week. On Monday of this week she called to reassure us that they were still working on it and we should hear by Wednesday. Wednesday came and went with nothing so on Thursday he called her and she said that they had narrowed it down to two candidates, one of which is Derick, and they were going to try and hash it out "by the end of the week". This would mean the next day, right? I thought Friday was the end of the week, but maybe I was mistaken because Friday also came and went without a word. We are hoping for Monday. (actually, we were hoping for Wednesday, as it was Derick's birthday and getting a new job would have been a great birthday present!) The only redeeming thing about the situation is that the HR lady is actually a friend of ours (we had no idea this was where she worked) and so we know she is as frustrated with the lack of decision as we are. The decision has to come from Mr. BigWig and he is not cooperating. So.

Hmmm.... what else have I not posted about lately? A fun swimming party on the river, a discouraging situation with our new church building, Joshua's first lost tooth, Samantha's hair cut shorty short, many late night dates with Harry Potter (while sitting next to my sleeping baby because God forbid she should have to sleep alone), and a scary shopping cart mishap which could have been really, really bad but wasn't, only by the grace of God. Throw in all of the anniversaries, weddings, playdates, and birthday parties and you've got one exciting family story to tell! If I can stay awake long enough- or if my baby can stay asleep long enough. ;)

Have a good one everybody!

I hate job interviews

2007-07-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

Drat! Apparently, this was just another interview. We were so sure, or hopeful, that it would be a real offer since they gave him no indication that there would be two rounds of interviews. But we should know by now not to get our hopes up when it comes to these job situations. The good news is that he made it to the second round and he felt things went well today. We are supposed to hear something final by the end of next week. *sigh* More waiting. I am not very good at waiting.

At least it was another chance for me to see him in some of those sexy new duds! ;) Yee-haw!

Monday

2007-07-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

Ack! It's Monday already! Where does the time go? Our weekend was busy, as usual. It was stifling hot until storms rolled in late Sunday. Church was so hot we all felt like passing out during the prayers! Needless to say, I broke down and turned our air conditioner on.

Today is still warm but much better on the humidity. The windows are open and a nice breeze is blowing. That will make things a bit easier to take out on the ballfield tonight. (only one more week! Yippee!)

Today was our first day back into the schoolwork routine. Lessons went well- I kept things very short and did mostly review. The kids were willing and actually a little excited about starting up again. Yay!

I am still fighting the ghosts of Jeremy's past- the ones in which he feels inadequate, incapable and not smart, due to his experience with ps kindergarten. I posted about it here and here. Today he was doing really well with his reading, which surprised me a little because we haven't worked on it a whole lot lately. I gave him a big hug and told him how smart he was. He smiled a sheepish smile and said, "No, I'm not." with a shrug. I gave him an even bigger hug and told him that he was absolutely, without a doubt a Very Smart Boy. I hope he starts believing it- it's painful to see my child think anything but the best about himself.

Remember the job interview Derick had recently ? The one he went and bought new clothes for? Apparently they were impressed by his sense of fashion because they want to interview him again. We are hoping they are bringing him back to make him an offer. Say some prayers around 10am tomorrow morning!

Have a good night!

The Joy of the Campground

2007-07-03T22:15:00.001-05:00

Well, we survived. Thank goodness, because I never did get my house clean!

We had a good time. Or rather, Derick had a good time. The kids had a good time. I had a time wrangling the baby, keeping everyone fed, watered and sunscreened, being the sand police, and occasionally dipping my toes in the lake.

This campground is a place Derick and his family frequented while he was growing up. It was a very nostalgic experience for him to be back there now with his own children. He very much enjoyed himself and I am determined not to rob him of his joy in this experience. So what I am about to say must remain a secret. *Shhhh*

Let's just say that I learned something new about myself this weekend. Although I love camping, I am really not good campground material.

We chose to rent a cabin on the beach because tent camping with the baby just wasn't something we wanted to tackle. We paid a small fortune for a cabin that has, for lack of a better description, seen its better days. Duct tape on holes in the shower stall, a beat up and stained old couch and carpet that made me shudder when Anna crawled across it. No extra toilet paper, no soap, no towels. It even had a smell all of its very own. Ew.

We laughed at the people camping around us. One man pulled his big fifth wheel camper into the spot right next to our front door. (Yeah, I could pretty much spit in either direction and hit somebody's digs) He finished cranking out the little bay window eating area, then stuck a little dragonfly yard decoration into the ground outside the front door. He was wrestling with a big pole on the end of the camper- turns out it was for a huge American flag with a Nascar flag right underneath it. He grinned at us as he cracked open his beer and said, "Now this is camping." All of this while his wife stood by the campfire and yammered on her cell phone! Um... yeah.

Derick enjoyed the memories of his childhood. I felt claustrophobic with all the people around. And every single one of them had some type of alcoholic beverage permanently attached to their hand! Even while swimming! Yep- yet another place I just don't fit in. ;)

On a more positive note, the beach was amazing. The lake was wonderful. The canoe rides were peaceful. The kids had a great time. We were all together and making memories. That's what it's all about, really. And the next time Derick grins his goofy grin and says, "Wasn't that Fun?" I will just smile and nod and say, "Yes dear." ;)

We couldn't tear Samantha away from her fishing...

We really need to get out in the canoe more often...

Will the Packers be ready for a woman quarterback?

Playing baseball- or is it stickball?- on that amazing beach...

This kept her occupied for all of three minutes...
Have a good one everybody!! ;)

Make sure you wear clean underwear

2007-06-27T19:56:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been busily preparing for a trip, packing and planning and shopping and organizing, when you all of a sudden get very sidetracked by the condition you will be leaving your house in?

I look around and I say a silent prayer that we will not be hit head-on by a drunk driver, or drowned in the canoe by whitewater rapids. Or contract food poisoning from under-grilled hamburgers or picnic potato salad left out too long. I cannot die on this trip because if someone had to come into my house and sort through my things I think I would die of embarrassment.

It is so hard to stay focused- to get the job at hand done- the packing and planning and such. I want to scrub my floors and wash my windows. Heck, I just want to be able to see the floors and reach the windows! But it all must wait because if I don't have the packing done by tomorrow at exactly nineteen-hundred hours, I think Derick's head will explode. ;)

We are leaving on Friday afternoon and I was given a strict agenda for getting everything ready so as to avoid that last minute packing thing that I like to do. So while I run around here and try to accomplish everything on his To Do Before We Go list, I will put the blinders on and hope and pray that we aren't mauled by a Black Bear while we sleep.

Have a great night everybody!

Just call me Mom's Taxi Service

2007-06-25T21:42:00.000-05:00

Whew! I feel like I spent most of today in the van.

Oh. Wait a minute. That's probably because I did spend most of today in the van!

The day looked like this:
8:15am-- Jeremy to Bible camp for the day (45 minute drive)
10:15am- home
11:15am- Samantha to swimming lessons (35 minute drive)
1:30pm - home
1:45pm - Back to camp to pick up Jeremy (did you know it is possible to get lost in two different spots on two different trips going on the same route to the same place? Yep. That's my life.)
4:15pm - home
5:30pm - boys to baseball
7:30 - home

I think I am a very grey area person. Life is not black or white for me. If someone asks me if I am more like X or more like Y, in most cases I feel like I am a mixture of the two. It is a very rare thing for me to have a strong leaning in one direction on a particular issue or characteristic. (Except when it comes to Hillary Clinton. But I digress.)

So today, I was very much wishing I was home instead of running all over creation. I like it at home. I tend to be a homebody. Home is a good place to be. It has everything we may need and it is comfortable.
But at the very same time, I was truly enjoying running all over creation and seeing new sights and watching my kids do their thing. It was fun and very satisfying to watch them grow and learn and spread their wings. Jeremy off to camp by himself... Samantha jumping off the diving board... Joshua hitting a line drive up the middle and taking second base. And of course, Anna saying "Hi" to everyone we meet. This is why we do what we do, day in and day out. Love them, teach them, encourage them and watch them go.
And at the end of the day, the homebody in me gets to tuck them into bed and sit for a minute in the quiet and be very glad I am home.

On a different note, it has been another sad day for the Morrison family. Read about it here.
Please pray for them.

Places we don't fit in

2007-06-21T23:41:00.001-05:00

My parents are in the real estate business. Tonight they held an open house at their new office building. It was a huge project that involved many outside investors. My parents headed up the project and will now have their own offices in the building. Here's a picture...

It is a very fancy place. Of course, I wanted to be there to help them celebrate. So I loaded up the kids and off we went. It was a nice time. Lots of great little hors d’oeuvres (is that how you spell that?). The kids were angels and I was so proud of them.

Then there were the "suits". There were enough corporate ladder climbers and rat racers there that I felt completely out of place. The fancy people. That is so not my gig. So, we didn't stay long.

Four of my aunts and uncles came from far away to attend the shin-dig and celebrate with my parents. Afterwards, we all went back to mom and dad's and cracked open the beers and sat around and talked smart. Now that was a good time. Mom and dad joined us later and it was like old times, when they would all get together to play cards and us kids would run around outside until it got too dark to see. Except for this time, it was my kids and their cousins running around outside and me and my sisters sitting around with the grown-ups.

Does that mean I am now officially a grown-up? *sigh* I suppose it does. Bummer. ;)

Things we're growing on "the farm" this year

2007-06-19T17:46:00.001-05:00

Our very first rooster... Did you know roosters have to practice their crow? He is like an adolescent boy with a squeak in his voice! It is so funny to hear him try his darndest to "cock-a-doodle-do" and all he can manage is a few little "awks". But, by golly , the hens listen to him anyway. Figures. ;)

Mmmmmm.... fresh veggies. Sweet corn, radishes, cukes, onions, peas, beans, squash and who knows what else. This is only half of the garden.

Turkeys. (Derick's idea)

Apples...

Goats. No, we don't milk them. No, I don't know why we have them. Except they're cute.

Oh yeah. And these guys. I'm not sure what they are but they seem to be hanging around a lot. They like lots of attention and eat just about anything. Anyone know where I can find a book that might help me out? I think I rather like them and would like to keep them if I can...

Have a great night everyone!

2007-06-18T10:27:00.000-05:00

Wow. We had a great day celebrating with the number one Dad in our house. How did I get so lucky to marry someone who ended up being such a great father? I don't remember thinking about that much when we were dating and falling in love. All I knew then was that he was cute and he made me laugh.

We went swimming at a nearby park yesterday to try and beat the heat.

Here is the man of the hour with his two sons who worship his every move. ( oh my goodness are they skinny. I do feed them, I promise!)

Here are the bathing beauties of the family. (minus mom- but that's just fine)

The crew in the water. Once again, Anna proved true to her tendency to be a slow-to-warm child. She hated the water for the first five minutes but once she got used to it she absolutely loved it. (She's the same way with people she doesn't know)

The obligatory rabbit ears shot.

And here is Dad and his twin.

I am never good at thinking of sappy and warm-fuzzy lists of why we love our dad the best and such. So I will illustrate the kind of relationship he has with his children with a little story.

Last week, Samantha was gone all day Tuesday and so did not get to see her dad. Wednesday he was up early and gone all day so she did not get to see her dad. Wednesday night we were discussing Thursday's plans and when I mentioned that Dad would probably be gone all day again, the child got the biggest crocodile tears welled up in her eyes. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she hadn't gotten to see her dad for two whole days and she was really missing him.

Enough said.

Have a great day!

Prayers for this poor family

2007-06-16T23:17:00.000-05:00

The Minnesota family that gave birth to sextuplets a few days ago has suffered the tragic loss of three of their babies.

You can read the story here. Although it's not much of a story. The family has, understandably, been very reluctant to talk to the media.

I simply cannot imagine going through what they are going through right now. I feel so sad for them. And it seems to be doubly cruel that the Arizona babies born on the same day are doing well.

I suppose this will put the use of fertility drugs and "selective reduction" under the microscope. I pray that the Morrison's will be strong enough to ignore any judgement of them or their decision not to kill any of their babies. They have suffered enough and should be left alone.

Lessons learned

2007-06-15T23:01:00.000-05:00

As our family has grown I have had to make adjustments to my household chores, obviously.

I have gone from having a "laundry day" and getting all the clothes washed, folded and put away in one day, to basically doing laundry every single day and never having everything done at the same time.

I have learned, as my children' s appetites have grown as much as their little bodies, how to make meals that will last. Where I used to get by with four chicken breasts to a casserole, now I need six. One pound of hamburger has now become two. You get the picture.

So why is it that I cannot get past the idea of doing just one load of dishes for the day? That part of my brain that functions as the "dirty dish" planner will not allow me to think beyond one dishwasher load. I am programmed to do one load and anything beyond that makes smoke come out of my ears.

I realized today, that I could realistically expect to do more than one load of dishes each day, and it wouldn't mean the earth had stopped spinning on its axis. It would just mean that I have four well-fed children. Four well- fed children who are home all day, all year long. This means they take all of their sustenance in my kitchen. Which then means that I will have more than one load of dirty dishes each day. Well, duh! ;) Boy, some things are just glaringly obvious, aren't they?

When I was a kid, my mom had a little sign hanging in her kitchen that said,"Thank God for dirty dishes, For they have a tale to tell. While others may go hungry, We're still eating well." I know there is more to it, but I can't remember it. I still love it though! It's a nice reminder...

Have a good one!

Hot fudge sundaes

2007-06-14T22:04:00.000-05:00

Derick had his interview. He didn't sound too confident when it was over. I tried not to say much because sometimes when he tells me how he answered certain questions, I can think of a thousand better answers he could have given. And I tell him so. ;)

This time I figured I better keep my thoughts to myself. He was really into this interview. He put forth more effort for this job than I have seen him do with any of the others so far. And yes, he did end up buying new clothes which he modeled for me when he got home last night. *yowsers* I helped him pick the best looking outfit and then we went to bed and made hot fudge sundaes. Not really. ;)

Oh well, if the interview was a flop, at least he looked hot while doing it!

Verklempt ( I just like saying that word!)

2007-06-13T23:20:00.000-05:00

I got to hold a one week old baby today! There is nothing more precious. He had a head of dark hair, long skinny chicken legs and big feet. And the smell! Oh the smell. It's enough to make me want to give birth a hundred more times. The parents are young and this is their first baby and they are still in that stage that we all remember so well where they are totally amazed and yet totally overwhelmed. He is a beautiful boy and they will be great parents.

I was bummed to hear that the mom will be going back to work after just 6 weeks. How can you tell a daycare provider what your child is like and how to care for your child when they are so little you probably don't even have it figured out yourself yet? I feel very, very sorry for her because I know how hard that first day back to work will be. It makes me sad for her and for what she will be missing. And I am sad for her little boy too. He will be missing his mama.

I sit on our church council. We had a meeting tonight. It was over unusually early, which was a nice change. Our council president had to go to work so the VP ran the meeting. He was much more productive than she is. She is prone to crying jags and tearful outbursts where she has to leave the meetings and collect herself. We are always left to wonder what in the world just happened? Frankly, I am tired of it. There is a time and a place for emotions to be shared. Church council meetings are not it. You can see her start to get choked up. She puts a hand over her mouth and mutters, "I'm sorry. It's just... I'm so sorry." And then comes the tears and the rushing to the bathroom. It's so strange it is almost comical. It feels like a skit on SNL or something. I hope she gets things straightened out soon because I don't think I can watch her do it again without imagining the lady from Coffee Talk getting verklempt. And then I would have to laugh. And that would not be good.

Please pray for Derick. He has a job interview tomorrow morning. He is very excited about this possibility and even went and bought himself some new "interview clothes" to wear. He even mentioned something about wearing a tie! *gasp* This sound like a great opportunity- the pay will be more than his current salary and he will be using his newly acquired degree. The only "iffy" thing is that it is third shift- from 9:30pm to 7:00am. I am not so sure about that but I refuse to give it any of my energy before they officially offer him the job. Hopefully things will go well for him as I think he is ready for a change. I know I am!

Have a good one everybody!

2007-06-12T22:45:00.000-05:00

While the woman in Arizona who gave birth to sextuplets seems to be getting all the media attention, we have our own local family who accomplished the same thing on the same day.

Read some of their story here. It seems to be a more critical situation for these babies. Maybe that explains the lack of media attention? Either way, this family needs our prayers. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them right now.

It is hot here. I do not like heat. I do not like humidity. I refuse to turn my air conditioner on in June. It is just not supposed to be so dang hot this early in the summer. So I suffer. I sit and I sweat and I grit my teeth. I will win this one. I will not. give. in. The air conditioner stays off until at least mid-July. Unless the temperature tops 100 degrees. Then I might reconsider. ;)

The kids enjoyed the heat. We had an impromptu sleepover after baseball last night. A friend of mine with kids the same age took Samantha overnight to play with her daughter and I took her son to play with my boys. I didn't see hide nor hair of them pretty much all day. They were exhausted by day's end. And filthy. Apparently they were building a fort by digging a hole under the front porch. There was a lot of talk about shovels, chisels, hauling dirt and rocks. They had their own little construction site going on under there! Later, Jeremy informed me that he took a piece of plywood under there to cover up the hole so the dogs wouldn't fall in. (They like to sleep under the porch when it's hot) I was impressed by his thoughtfulness. What a little man.

Here is one of only a couple of pictures that exist with me and my husband together. I am usually the one behind the camera and that's how I prefer it. This was taken at Anna's birthday party last month. Aren't we adorable? Okay, aren't me and the baby adorable? All I can say to Derick is would it kill ya to put your arm around me or something? ;)

Have a great night!

Keys to marital bliss... ;)

2007-06-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

This one's for Dy, or rather, for her newly engaged family member. A few words of advice from those of us who have been there.

We just celebrated our 12th anniversary yesterday. Here are three things that have kept us going strong...

1) We both realize that, like life, (or just about anything else worth doing) marriage is like a roller coaster. It definitely has its ups and downs. The key is to stick it out during the rough times and that makes the good times even better.

2) We both know that whoever said, "Don't go to bed mad" had either never been married or was a raving lunatic. Sometimes, you have to go to bed mad. Because you're arguing and discussing and getting nowhere and it's getting late. I guarantee that you'll both wake up in the morning and say, "What was the big deal?" and then you'll work it out.

3) We both would rather spend time with each other than just about anyone else on earth.

Good luck as you begin your journey together. May it be filled with joy and laughter and the pitter patter of many little feet! ;)

I love our town

2007-06-07T22:44:00.001-05:00

Having moved a lot while growing up, I was never given the chance to be from anywhere. I never quite know what to say when people ask me where I'm from. I usually answer with "Well, we moved to *medium sized town near here* when I was 14." That satisfies most people.

I have always been a little jealous when people talk about knowing someone since kindergarten, or graduating with someone they had a crush on in the sixth grade. That just wasn't my experience. Neither was other parents being involved in my life. I never had a set of surrogate parents to watch out for me. I think my mom was just trying to protect us but we never really got to know other families on that level. We just never lived in one place long enough to form those relationships. I'm not sad about it, it's just the way it was.

So it is a little strange for me to be in a place where I know enough people and know enough about those people to be comfortable with my children being in a relationship with them. Does that make sense? I live in a small town. I now know a whole slew of people that I would trust with my children without a moment's hesitation. That is a very good feeling.

Tonight my two older offspring each had a soccer game at the same time. One was in our hometown, the other in a town 15 minutes away. Of course the dilemma for me was how to manage being in two places at once. I thought about just letting Samantha wait for me to get back to pick her up but she would have been sitting at the soccer fields for at least 20 minutes, without anyone looking out for her. She is only nine and so I nixed this idea. But I knew in the back of my head that with all the people at the soccer fields on any given weeknight, there would undoubtedly be someone that she could hang with until I got there to pick her up. While I was talking to her about it, I was able to run off a list of about six or eight families that I knew would be there that I knew would have no problem watching after her. And as simple as it sounds, it gave me goosebumps to know that there is that parental comaraderie and we are actually a part of it.

When we got there, we found our substitute parent with no problem. She was glad to help and I completely trust her. And that is why I love my town. Because I also saw a handful of other parents who would have been just as willing to help. And that's comforting to me.

Have a great night!

Hello again!

2007-06-06T22:10:00.000-05:00

Okay- on the count of three- everyone take a deep, deep breath with me. Ready? One...two...three... Breathe in... Now let it out slooooowly... exhale all that bad energy and all that nasty craziness from the past nine months. Do it again... and again... and again. Do it as many times as necessary to erase the trauma from your mind. ;)

There. Feel better? I know I do. It is good to be back. Or should I say getting back. I have spent the past week or so getting back my old life- my old self- my old priorities- my old style. It is taking some work, I am finding out, to truly let go of the crazy busy "wheredoIhavetobenext?Whatisgoingontoday?
HowwillIevergetitdone?OopsTimeforbed" mental status of this past year. I am re-learning how to enjoy my life, how to actually live my life, how to enjoy my children. And it is heavenly. Ahhhhh.... life is sweet.

I have wanted to post so many things over the past few months. I even started composing a "What has this experience taught me?" post in my head. The only thing I could think of is that I have learned that I never want to live that way again! Which I suppose is probably the best thing I could have learned.

Over the past several months, as I have struggled with balancing my time and keeping everyone afloat, many, many things have happened which prove that life just keeps trucking along. Samantha celebrated her ninth birthday in March. Jeremy celebrated his eighth birthday in April. Anna celebrated her first birthday in May. (poor Joshua- he's a November baby) We again started baby chicks- this time 26 little peepers joined our farm family. We also indulged Derick's wish to try his hand at turkeys and so have a small flock of 16 baby turkeys in the old barn. (I will post pictures someday) The garden is in, the flower beds have been carefully tended. Soccer season started and is almost over already- that was crazy too with three kids on three different teams. Baseball season just started. We ended our Wednesday night church program with an awesome Sunday service that the kids did from start to finish. I was "in charge" of this and so was pretty nervous but all went wonderfully well. Hmmm... what else? I know there have been many other things that would have provided great blogging material but darned if I can remember them now.

My plan now is this... I must get a grip on my house (and the mess it holds) in order to feel like I have some semblance of control over my life. That's priority #1. Second thing is for me to get my mental state in order as far as school goes. I must become a homeschooler again- I must begin again to see the educational value in everything we do- I must again seek out those opportunities to learn- both for me and the kids. Basically- I must focus all (or most of) my energies on teaching my children. And third- I need to work on nourishing those areas of my soul that have been zapped by the circumstance we found ourselves in. And promise to never, ever do that to myself again. From here on out, I will be uber-protective of my (and my family's) commitments and will not be afraid to give a resounding No! to those requests for my help or participation in things. And I will give up the notion of ever balancing a career and family- it is my honest opinion that it simply can't be done- or at least done well.

Now- I am off to make a list. I am not a list-maker by nature, but the state of my house is such that I am willing to give it a try. I am completely overwhelmed by this task and if you could see my house you would see why. It's complete chaos and I know it is affecting how my children function. They are overwhelmed by it all too. And the thing is? Before I had children I considered myself a pretty organized person. Not necessarily a great housekeeper, but organized nonetheless. I have completely lost that skill and I desperately want it back. Does anyone know where I can get my hands on some of that? ;)

I hope to be digging in to some of the piles tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great night!

Something to brighten your day

2007-04-29T22:52:00.000-05:00

I got this e-mail from my sister and I just had to share...

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Hillary Clinton"

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Clinton?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better.

PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi

Teeheehee ;) You gotta love it!

Allow me to brag a little

2007-04-22T22:43:00.000-05:00

We were informed Friday afternoon that my daughter's story won an Honorable Mention in our local PBS station's Reading Rainbow Young Authors and Illustrators contest!! She wrote and illustrated a story called The Spotted Rabbits and, although I know I am just a teensy bit biased, it was a pretty cute story. There is one winner and two Honorable Mentions in each age category out of 1200 entries. Wowsers!! We get to go to a pizza party at the TV station in a couple of weeks to celebrate. I am so proud of her!

How did I get so lucky to be blessed by this wonderful child? Here is another example of her confidence and her sparkling sense of humor...
This morning at church she made a small presentation to a newly baptized baby. In front of the whole congregation she presented the family with a blanket made by one of the kids in our Wednesday night program. She spoke loudly and clearly, "On behalf of our LOGOS program, we would like to present you with this blanket." Could you have done that when you were nine years old? I know I couldn't have!

And then, we happened to lose the baby's pacifier today. (this is nothing new, unfortunately) So while we were at Wal-Mart I thought I should buy some more. I was so disappointed to find that the particular pacifier the baby loves only came in red, white and blue. This does not reflect on my patriotism, but I was really hoping for something in pink or purple or some other, more hip color So while I stood there and pondered the other selections of pacifiers, wondering if I could pull a switcheroo and get the baby to suck on a different style, Samantha sighs loudly and says, "It's not all about the color, right?"
I giggled and said, "well yes, it is all about the color."
She sighed again and said,"No mom. It's about whether or not the baby is happy." (Like, duh!)
Realizing that she was oh-so-right, I sighed and said, "Okay, okay, you're the voice of reason. Let's go."
To which she replied, "I'm kind of like dad that way, aren't I?"

I'm sure she was referring to yesterday, when I begged and pleaded like a spoiled child for my husband to buy the cutest little Guernsey calf we saw at a petting zoo. It was only $45! And it had the biggest, sweetest, brown eyes you have ever seen. And when he said No and meant it, I pouted like a spoiled child too. I whined about wanting to try my own milking and butter making, and cream separating. But as we were driving away, I realized he had a point when he reminded me that we weren't even sure if the calf was a girl. It never occurred to me to ask that important question! I was a goner as soon as I saw those eyes. So yes, my husband is the voice of reason, and thank God that my daughter is taking after him!

Have a good one everybody!

Don't give up on me!

2007-04-17T15:37:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, it's been a whole heck of a long time since I posted anything. I apologize. I want to post. I think about it every day. I know I have some real good stories to share about this life we're living. The missing component is time. I have no time.

I have no time to do anything but work, pick up after the littles, get prepared for work, rock my baby, go to work, cook every once in a while, and then work some more. My friend put it best when she said we are not living our lives, we are simply managing them. We all know this is not what I want for myself or my family so things will be changing. Must change. I only have four more weeks of work at my far-away job and five more weeks of work at my in-town job and then all I will have is the church job. But until then, I foresee still more overwhelmed and crazy chaotic days.

I am hanging in there. Derick knows how hard this year has been for me and I think he finally gets it. He has been very actively pursuing other avenues and we just have to wait for the right opportunity. He has told me that when that happens I can quit working. He also gave me that same old argument about our homeschool needing more structure. Remember the one last year when he made me put the kids in school? Well, he brought it up again and I was ready this time. I was ready to dig in my heels and tell him to not even go down that road with me. Luckily I didn't have to. I told him that if he wants more structure to our homeschool then I need to be able to be home full-time. He didn't blink an eye but said, "As soon as I find a job that pays well enough." This may seem like a no-brainer, but if you only knew how long I have waited to hear those words. I think he seemed to think that me working part time was a good fit for us, when in reality it has made me miserable.

So anyway- I will probably be scarce around these parts until June or so, when most of my big-time commitments will be done. I plan to take a week or so and do a lot of decompressing. Then I have big plans for cleaning the house from top to bottom and planning curriculum for next year. I can't wait to get started on that stuff.

Quick kiddie update:
Samantha turned nine years old last month. Grandma took her and her cousins with spring birthdays to a restaurant where the waitstaff sings to you and brings you a cake and all that jazz. I challenged our waiter to stand on a chair and sing a solo to the girls and by golly, he did! He sang a version of happy birthday that was like a lounge act- a little Marilyn Monroe-ish but without the sex kitten tone. It was great and when he was done, my daughter looked at her cousins (ages 8 and 9) and said, "I think he's cute!" Oh my goodness, it starts already!

Jeremy will be turning 8 this month and he is still into riding his ATV all the time. He also builds little houses and deer stands and tree forts and anything else he can think of. He lives outdoors-basically from sun up to sun down.

Joshua is 6 and is trying to find his place in our new family dynamic. He loves his baby sister so much, it is really a treat to watch him with her. But he is so used to following Jeremy's lead, that sometimes he can't think for himself. We are watching this unfold and trying to encourage him to step out of his comfort zone a little bit more. He also loves to be outside and doing all manner of manly things but he still enjoys a little snuggle with mama.

Anna is pulling herself up to stand by furniture and I know it won't be long before she is off and running. She is a very happy baby- truly a delightful personality. She only shares it with a select few people though. You have to be a very familiar face before she will show you her dazzling smile.

Ahhh-- you gotta love it- even in the midst of all this craziness, my life is still very, very good.

Blogging will resume on a more regular basis soon!

Spring fever

2007-03-14T19:13:00.000-05:00

Been wonderin' what we've been up to? We survived the big storm I talked about in my previous post. It was a biggie. I loved it- being snowed in and not able to go anywhere. But unfortunately, spring snowstorms don't last long in these parts and so this week found us dealing with a massive snowmelt and four eager-to-get-outside chitlin's.

Here is the crew on our first bike ride of the season. Yes, Anna's eyes are closed. If the stroller wasn't in constant motion she was not a happy camper.

Our adventure turned up this very cool log. It was an old tree that fell sometime in late January. The February and March snowfalls buried it for a few weeks. Now, uncovered by the thaw, we can clearly see the comfortable little house that something made. I am thinking chipmunks, but not entirely sure. Yes, that middle hole was the family toilet. It is plum full of what is better known as scat. Pretty cool!!

This is the formerly dry area behind our goat pen. The amount of runoff this year is amazing and the boys of course couldn't resist the urge.

And this area looks like a pond but it is also normally a dry spot. The boys' ATV trail runs through here during the rest of the year. They have been given strict intstructions to stay away from the water until it goes down. We don't need any drowned boys! The picture doesn't do it justice, but it is pretty deep.

And finally, the youngster keeps on a'growin. She is such a joy and Derick captured her latest facial thing- this scrunched up smile- on camera. I guess it looks more like a growl but it really is a smile! She cracks me up every time she does it, which is often.
Enjoy!!

It wimped out

2007-02-27T19:12:00.000-06:00

The big storm we were supposed to get amounted to not much of anything. I suppose we got a good foot of snow but it blew around so much that our yard was almost bare while some places were drifted in. It certainly wasn't anything like this storm from last spring.

Derick got up early and plowed our driveway, then plowed our road out to the main highway, which had already been plowed by the big trucks. This was just so we could get to church. I was so impressed! And then I had to laugh. It just struck me as funny and I realized this is everything I have ever wanted. Getting up early to plow the road with your ATV so you can get to church? Classic country living. You gotta love it!

As it were, Sunday School was cancelled, which unfortunately means a lot of our families won't come to church either. Our church seems to have a history of placing a larger emphasis on Sunday School than on worship, but that's for another post. There were about 25 people at worship, when on a typical Sunday we have closer to 100. It was one of those things that someday my kids will say, "Hey, do you remember when we got that big snowstorm and we were the only ones who showed up for church?"

Now we are in the bullseye for another big one. They are predicting 12-20 inches between Wednesday and Friday and this time they seem to be more sure of themselves. Not a lot of "If... then..." this time around. We'll see what happens. It's actually nice to finally be getting some snow after a very dry winter. The boys have been on their snowboards every spare minute this week! I will try to post pictures sometime soon.

We are in the midst of spring preparations around here. Derick placed our seed order yesterday and Samantha and I figured out what birds we are going to order. I have a running list in my head of all the jobs coming up- manure for the rhubard, bleach out the chicken coop, weed and mulch the front flower bed. The list goes on and I can't wait. There's nothing quite like the smell of the earth in the springtime!

Hey- I only have 9 more classes to teach at my "other" job! Wahoo!! Derick has a second interview for that job here in town and then he applied for two more jobs at his current work, both of which would mean a promotion. I know something better is out there waiting for us- I just know it!! The hard part is waiting for it.

Have a great night everyone!!

What is with these people?

2007-02-23T13:41:00.000-06:00

The wind is a howlin'- the skies are grey, the temperature is steadily dropping and the weathermen still refuse to say what is going to happen. There's a lot of "if the storm tracks south of the dividing line between county A and county B, then expect a rain and snow mix for southern parts of the state. If the storm tracks north of the two-lane highway outside the city of C, then expect twelve inches by late Sunday." Gimme a break! They have been talking about how the computer models are showing four possible scenarios and they aren't sure which one it will actually be. I have a better idea. Why don't you stop looking at the computer-projected storm tracks and try looking out the window! ;)

Actually, I really don't mind so much. I just don't like it when they hype up a big snowstorm all week long and then at the end they backtrack and say it may or may not happen. I get my hopes up only to have them dashed once again! ;)

We have a pretty busy weekend but nothing is requiring driving long distances so if we get snow we should still be good to go. I thought I would take the boys in to rent some movies this afternoon- (Samantha is spending the night at a friend's house)- so in case we become housebound we won't also be insane with nothing to do.

Anna decided to crawl today. The best part about it was watching the other kids and how excited they were! They were almost more excited than I was! She is such a hoot and again I am reminded of how joyful it is to have a baby in the house.

Have a good one!

What a moment

2007-02-22T21:11:00.000-06:00

I don't usually get too emotionally involved with TV shows. Usually the acting is so poor or the writing so dumb I just can't ever see how it connects to real life. Tonight, however, was a different story- all because of Grey's Anatomy. Wow. The final scene with Denny and Izzy in the hallway was so powerful- it was one of the few times I have shed tears while watching. The rest of the show wasn't even all that terrific. It was just that one scene and I was done for.

We are looking at a huge winter storm this weekend. The weathermen (people?) are still hesitant to say exactly how it is all going to go down, but it looks as though it will be the biggest storm of the winter for us. That really isn't saying much though, since we have had record low snowfall this season. I am excited at the possibility of being snowed in. That is the best part of winter! A big pot of soup, a good book, a snuggly blanket and a winter storm and I am set. ;)

Derick finally got a call back from that place he interviewed with last week. They have him doing a second interview next Thursday. I hate waiting that long but I know it's part of the game. I suppose after the next interview they will make him wait another two weeks to give him an answer. Ugh! I am soooo not a patient person! I know Derick is anxious too. Things at his current job are not all that great- he gets pretty tired of dealing with the garbage that goes on when you have poor managers. I think he is ready for a change. Hopefully soon!

Have a good one everybody! Maybe the next time I post it will be about six inches of fresh snow!

Pretty boring Friday

2007-02-16T21:48:00.000-06:00

I am cautiously optimistic about Derick's job interview. It sounds like it went well. The bigwig said, "Well, you've got me convinced." But he has to have another interview with the other bigwig next week sometime. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Unfortunately, I am not very good at that!

The job itself looks like a good one- something he would enjoy. He had to put a salary range on his application and what he put was more than what I would have put if it was me applying for the job. So I guess that's a good thing- they know how much he wants to make and they are still interested. That's the one thing about job interviews that drives me nuts. If it were up to me, all the cards would be on the table at the first meeting. This is what we'll pay- these are the hours, these will be your duties, do you want the job under these conditions- we'll call you if we want you. End of story. But instead, it can be such a long, drawn out process with second and even third interviews. Then they don't tell you about salary or benefits or exact hours until they offer you the position. It seems like a big game to me. Just give me the facts and be done with it! It's too bad the world doesn't work according to my rules, isn't it? ;)

Anna was a very happy baby today which is a nice change. Since she was sick last week, she got in the habit of being held all the time and so lately has not wanted to be put down for anything. Today she finally seemed to be more content just playing and jabbering to herself. It was a nice break for me. She still is not crawling although she tries with all her might to get up on her knees. This is different for me since all of my other kids were crawling by this time and walked very soon after. Anna is almost 9 months and when Samantha was 9 months she was pulling herself up on furniture. I know, I know- I shouldn't compare! Anna manages to scoot around on her bottom and stretches out with quite a reach to get to the toys she wants. She'll probably end up being a gymnast with the way she can stretch herself out! Her personality is really coming out lately- she has a great giggle and just lights up when the big kids come in the room. I love that! She waves hello and does "so big", plays peek a boo and loves to look at books. It is so fun having a baby in the house again!

Not much else happened today. The kids and I rented some movies for the weekend and watched "Herbie--Fully Loaded" tonight. It was very cute and very wholesome. A good family movie. Samantha kept telling me how much she loves Lindsay Lohan. She loved her in The Parent Trap and can never quite understand how one person played both parts. Now after seeing her in Herbie, she has all of a sudden become Ms. Lohan's biggest fan. Luckily for me, she has no knowledge of the secret life of celebrities as of yet, so I just kept my mouth shut about the whole rehab thing. Some things are just not appropriate for an eight year old.

Derick is helping my sister and her family move tomorrow. I will be on housecleaning duty with the kids. It is so rare for me to have a whole day at home that I am actually looking forward to it. I hope I can get a few things checked off my to-do list.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Forever hopeful...

2007-02-15T22:48:00.000-06:00

Samantha got a kids' digital camera for Christmas. We are only just now figuring out how the thing works. It is not too fancy and not too expensive, which met my criteria, and it is fun and easy to use which met hers. The only problem we are having is that if she doesn't download the pictures very soon after she takes them, they go away. Disappear. Gone. I have no idea why this happens but she has been disappointed more than once. Hopefully we can get that figured out because the instructions claim the thing will hold up to 150 pictures--unless I am missing something, which could very possibly be the case!

Our neighbor called up tonight and said he had a surprise for the kids and would be over right away. This is what he brought...

Samantha took this picture with her camera and used the software that came with it to add the words. This little baby is only two days old! I was surprised that it was born in such cold weather but neighbor man said the mother was doing a very good job of keeping it warm. He also said that mama goat didn't like it one bit when he took her baby! I can't blame her! It was too darn cute and kept making little "maaa" noises. Now my kids want our goats to have babies. I told them I would think about it. It might be fun to try goat's milk or make cheese or something.

Derick has a job interview tomorrow. I am so hopeful that this will be the one. The company is right here in our town and this is a position that was not advertised- Derick only heard about it through word of mouth. I am thinking this means there won't be many other applicants. He also applied at a new home improvement mega- store that is opening here in March. He was wanting to work part time there and use the employee discount to get stuff to finish our house. He has a construction background and has even owned his own home improvement business at one point, but did they hire him? Nooooo. We were both shocked that they weren't interested in him with all of his experience. So now we are hoping that this interview tomorrow will pan out. Say a prayer for him! (If you are a purist his interview is at 12:30pm central time.) Thanks!

Tomorrow is Fabulous Friday! Make it a good one!

I love the Goodwill!

2007-02-11T23:31:00.000-06:00

I have just discovered how much fun shopping at the Goodwill can be!

I used to have an aversion to those second-hand places- probably because when I was a kid, second-hand meant really ratty stuff. Stuff that if you wore it in public, everyone would just know you got it second-hand.

Boy, have times changed! We happened to make a stop at one of the Goodwill stores around here and I hit the jackpot! I was pleasantly surprised at how nice the stuff was. I picked up a ton'o clothes for Samantha, who can't seem to stop growing no matter how many times I threaten to put a brick on her head. The boys each got two shirts and the baby got a spring/fall jacket and I spent under $100. Shazam! I am hooked. I told Derick I need to make a trip to the Goodwill a part of my weekly shopping routine. You gotta love saving money! I almost felt guilty walking out of there with all the clothes we bought, knowing how little I paid. Almost... ;)

Our weekend was busy but good. Baby is feeling much better which is a relief. We had our Annual Meeting at church this morning. Yippee. The kids had ice skating this evening. Did I mention we shopped at the Goodwill this afternoon? ;)

Tomorrow is Magnificent Monday. Another chance to start afresh. Enjoy!

Time Management

2007-02-08T22:07:00.000-06:00

This week the topic of my parenting class was Time Management. I enjoy teaching this topic since I always seem to learn as much from my students as they do from me. Like online bill paying. Who knew that it was so easy? But I digress... There are always some great ideas thrown out there and Lord knows I need as much help in this area as I can get!

It seems the latest trend in discussing time management is not to call it time management at all. Time is a constant thing- always passing at the same rate of speed, never changing. It can hardly be "managed". A better way to think about it is in terms of managing ourselves and our energy. We need to first identify the "prime time" of our day. When are we most productive? 9:00am? 2:00am? 7:00pm? Whenever that time is, we need to get our top priority tasks done while it is our prime time. If we eat right, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and take care of ourselves, we are then managing our energy. We will have the energy to do those tasks which may require a little more effort and we can maybe even get them done outside of our prime time.

I love learning stuff like this. But the biggest question that I asked my students was this, "Is there anything that you are currently doing for your spouse or your children that they can do for themselves?" Um, okay then. This question alone may end up saving me hours out of each day!

Have a good one!

My heart breaks every time

2007-02-07T21:06:00.000-06:00

My baby is still sick. I had to try and crawl out of bed yesterday without waking her up. It went something like this...
she snuggled into my chest and fell fast asleep
I gently rolled over and put one leg on the floor
She opened her eyes and saw me trying for the great escape
I froze
She started crying
I rolled back into bed
She snuggled into my chest and fell fast asleep.
I think you can figure out the rest of the story.

I finally got Derick up to do his part in this little dance. When I finally ran out of time and had to get up or be late, it took every ounce of courage for me to walk out of that bedroom and not call in sick!

This morning it was a similar story. I hate feeling so torn and the rest of this day has reflected my bad attitude. I have felt angry, resentful, overwhelmed and desperate. I am so ready for this part of my life story to be over. Something needs to give around here and it needs to be soon. My life is not my own- I am not living, I am simply existing, trying to get through each day. I know in my heart that things are going to change for us. The key for me is patience which is very hard to come by these days. I only hope my kids can survive this craziness!

I am so sick of being cold!!

2007-02-06T18:24:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, to combat this annoying freezing weather we have been having, I fixed a pot of chicken noodle soup. From scratch. I have a great recipe and it is sooo easy.

While spooning up the bowls for everyone, I realized that I was pretty darn close to my goal of someday having a meal where everything served is something we grew ourselves. In this case, the chicken was one of ours, raised and butchered with love. ;) The carrots and onion were both from last summer's garden. The only thing that I didn't do myself but probably could have was the noodles. (and the seasonings, as Samantha pointed out. Um, yeah.) It was a very cool feeling to know that the main ingredients in our meal were raised right here on our land.

Anna girl has some teething stuff going on today. The drooling, runny nose, icky diapers, fever, just basically "hold me all day mama cuz I hurt" type of stuff. Her voice sounded a little funny- higher pitched- so I took her in to get checked, just in case. One ear is starting to get red and infected. Our doctor (God bless her) wrote me a prescription but said that I should wait a couple of days to fill it. She said she would rather see Anna fight the infection off herself than take medicine for it. Amen to that! It's nice to have the prescription on hand in case we need it, but I am hoping it won't be necessary.

Tonight while I was nursing her, there was a knock on the door. Samantha went to open it and I heard a strange voice ask for "your mom or dad". She came in the living room to get me and had no idea who was at the door. I got up and found two young men on my porch asking me about the land around us, if I knew who owned it. They were very nice but it still freaked me out a bit. I wondered why both of them would come up on the porch in this cold weather just to ask me that. One strange man at my door would have been enough!

They thanked me and left, and I went to the kitchen window to check on Jeremy, who had been playing down by the garage. I found him standing just inside the back door, looking a little nervous. He said that when he saw the men drive up he came in the house because I had told him a long time ago that if a strange vehicle ever pulled in the driveway, they should all come in the house immediately. I was glad that he remembered that lesson today as I was a little nervous about these guys myself! Out here in the boonies, the only people who drive up our driveway are the UPS man (hottie!) and the neighbors. I am sure they were harmless, but part of me was thinking maybe they were casing the joint. But then the rational part of my brain reminds me that we don't have anything worth stealing!! Come on in boys! Help yourself to our 10 year old TV, our cheap stereo, or our cell-phone-that-doesn't-even-have-a-camera. While you're at it, take some of these laundry baskets full of clothes and these toys laying all over the floor. It would sure be helpful and I know you could make a lot of money on the toy black market!

Have a good one!

I'm still here!

2007-02-04T22:35:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to let y'all know I have not fallen off the face of the earth or been struck by a bizarre cosmic event or stricken with the plague. I am still alive and kicking, but with barely enough time to breathe, let alone sit at the computer long enough to type something coherent.

Is this my busy season? I have heard talk of the seasons of our lives and how these years of raising children are our busy season. Can I hope that my season is changing pretty soon? Not that I want to rush these years and grow old and gray. (gray-er?) I am leaning more towards a slow, lingering fall afternoon, with lots of sunshine and a gentle breeze. Top it off with a cup of tea, a good book, and lots of snuggles with my babies and I would think it was heaven.

I am forever hopeful that my working days will soon be over. I have already decided that my "new" old job that I went back to this year will have to learn to live without me next year. Come May, I will be finished and I don't intend to go back. It's too far away, too much work at home, and not enough pay once they withdraw the obligatory union dues. (blech! Not to mention my own feelings of disgust when I think of my paycheck going to support that!) So that leaves the church job and the classes I have agreed to teach for our local Community Ed office. I have hope that the church job may soon be gone as well- Derick has a couple of things he is pursuing that will necessitate me being home in the mornings. Wahoo! Right now, I am hopeful about our future. I am aiming for being home full-time by the time school starts again in the fall.

School. What can I say about school? I am comfortable with where we are at right now. Derick- not so much. It doesn't help that my boys don't hesitate to tell people how they love school because, "we haven't done any schoolwork for so long!" Argh- you gotta love the honesty. I am keeping track in my own mind of where they are at- where they need to be and how we are getting there in little baby steps. I mark down in my mind every new thing I see them learning and for me, that is enough. Like I said, I am hopeful that by fall we can be a little more structured in our approach.

We are in the middle of a freakishly cold weather event. It really stinks. I consider myself a hearty northerner but even this has got to go. Actual temperature this morning? -21 degrees. Yep, that's negative 21 folks- 21 below zero. I was surprised our thermometer would go so low! Yikes! With the wind chill it was probably more like 40 below. This is nostril-hair freezing weather! It hurts to breathe! It isn't supposed to break until later in the week so for now we don't really go anywhere. If we do have to venture out, we leave the van running, dash in and dash out, then dash home and crawl under the blankets. Bare skin will freeze in less than 10 minutes in this kind of weather. Everyone's lips, cheeks and chin are chapped and dry. Yep, it's best if we just stay home. Unfortunately, my boys live for the outdoors so this has been really wearing on them, and by default, on me. As soon as it's safe, they'll be gettin' the boot out the door to wear off some of that cabin fever energy surplus.

I decided to take the plunge and try a new template. I am not brave enough to customize it too much. Maybe someday when I have time to sit and learn more about it. Aww- who am I kidding?

Have a good one everybody! I promise to try and blog more regularly. Well- try is the key word there. I will certainly have more time come spring, so keep checking back!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-05T00:52:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I realize it's a few days late, but I figure I'm allowed a little tardiness now and again. After all, blogging tends to come after the needs of four kids, one husband, two dogs, one cat, two jobs, and a home. ;)

Our holidays were very.... well, holidaysey. We get to spend Christmas Eve by ourselves, Christmas Day with my family and sometime between Christmas and New Year's with Derick's family. New Year's was also spent at home, with just us. It was nice to be able to hang out around here and not feel so pressured to be running to and fro and celebrating with everyone else.

After the kids opened their four gifts on Christmas morning, I was feeling a little like something was missing. I couldn't figure it out until we started clean-up of all the boxes and wrapping paper. Then it hit me. We were not, for once, being completely overrun with empty boxes and those little plastic binders and directions for new toys. We actually had a good handle on the garbage situation because each child got something to wear, which went directly to the laundry room, and something to read, which went directly to the bookshelf or the bedroom. That left two gifts per kid which involved boxes, plastic binder thingies and pages of directions. I was not in the least bit overwhelmed and it felt really, really good. Christmas this year became something manageable and it was nice.

We started a tradition last year that I just love. We attend the 10pm candlelight service on Christmas Eve, then come home and have a very grown-up treat. The kids get a glass of sparkling grape juice in a real wine glass and we serve cut up meat, exotic cheeses and crackers. This year I also added smoked salmon to the tray. Yum! We eat it at the table by candlelight and then make a toast. The kids think it is so cool to be clinking their glasses and eating such adult food. It only takes a few minutes and then they are off to bed and asleep in minutes. I enjoy seeing them enjoy it so much when it is such a simple thing.

Today was our start back into schoolwork. I should never have taken as long of a break as I did! It was a short session today- my boys have a hard time getting back into the "sitting down at the table and accomplishing something" routine. I hope to ease back into a longer time as we go. It frustrates me that right now I have so much other stuff going on that school time has no flexibility. We must do it between the hours of 2pm and 5pm or it doesn't get done. I am constantly hopeful that things will be changing for us soon!!

Gotta run- I hope everyone's New Year is off to a rockin' start. My only resolutions are no more fast food and no more pop. We'll see how long they last!! I can easily do the fast food one, it's the pop I'm worried about. Sometimes there's just nothing like a nice, cold Coke, you know?

Have a good one everybody!

Snow!

2006-12-21T19:49:00.000-06:00

It's finally here! And it looks like it will be just in time for Christmas too- which made my daughter extremely happy today. We were so afraid that we would be having a brown Christmas which is something that has never happened to me in the twenty or so years I've lived up here. But alas, today's snow means a White Christmas all around!! Yippee!!

So what is it about freezing rain/drizzle, huge snowflakes and icy roads that just begs me to go out and drive around? The weathermen are telling everyone to stay home- all the local schools have cancelled all evening activities and I yell to the kids, "Hot dog! Get your hats and gloves and get in the van-- we have to go to town!"

About halfway to our destination I realized what a foolhardy thing I had done- packing up my precious babies and driving in that mess. But what a beautiful sight it was to see those huge snowflakes falling gently all over the main street of our little town. And we would have missed it if we had stayed home- stayed safe. I skidded through a couple of stop signs, landed at the post office, mailed my Christmas cards and skidded back home. When we turned onto our road, we were the only car that had traveled that way and the kids thought it was so cool to be blazing our own path. Hmmm... I sense a metaphor for life brewing in there somewhere.

Anyway- I just had to do it. The snow was calling to me and I couldn't resist. I hope that my kids remember these kinds of adventures- the ones that require a little bit of risk but that reap huge rewards in the end.

Have a good one!!

Are you ready?

2006-12-19T22:36:00.000-06:00

It hit me today- Christmas is less than a week away. Yes, I am a little slow in these matters. I usually don't realize Christmas has arrived until it is after midnight on Christmas Eve and I am up wrapping presents until the wee hours of the morning. This is how I function and I can't seem to do it any more efficiently no matter how hard I try.

So let me ask the almighty question. Are you ready? I believe I am ready. Finally. (aside from the wrapping thing) I have all the gifts bought or ordered, I have the decorations that are going up, up, I have the dates set for the family shindigs. The one thing I haven't done (but it isn't a big deal because I don't think I have ever done it) is the cookie baking. We get enough cookies from Grandma that I never feel the need to bake my own. Someday I am sure I will give it a try but I just don't really get into all that baking and decorating stuff. Call me Scrooge. ;)

I need to give a huge thank-you to Dy for her words of wisdom in shopping for the kids this year. In an effort to cut back on all the junk the kids end up with, we had agreed that we would get three gifts for each of them, the same as the baby Jesus, and one each from Santa. I was so excited to find Dy's little poem and so I decided to try and follow it this year. Let me tell you- it worked great! It really helped me to curb my impulse buying which amounts to seeing one thing that one child would love and then buying one more thing for the others because they all have to have the same amount to open. Derick and I got all of our kids' shopping done in under three hours at two stores using this little poem. It is definitely something I will do again next year. And I really feel good about not falling into that trap of buying buying buying to make my kids happy. Yay for me! ;)

So- I am ready for the big day. I do love Christmas but I am also glad when it is over. The next few days will find me up to my knees in wrapping paper, bows, and tape. Hopefully I will get it done before Christmas Eve!

Have a good one!

Pure joy

2006-12-08T14:47:00.000-06:00

I am so in love with my baby. She brings me nothing but joy and laughter. I know this is destined to change as she gets older and begins striving for her independence, but for right now I am enjoying every darn minute of spoiling her rotten.

In an interesting revelation I have come to realize that my baby is also totally in love with me. (who wouldn't be?) teeheehee! Really, as she gets older she laughs out loud more and more and giggles and is starting to let her emotions be known. When she sees me walk in the door from work, she giggles and laughs and smiles and the joy she shows is absolutely pure. She is sooo happy to see me and I am humbled by that.

I had figured that she shows such happiness at the sight of my face because she knows she is about to get a "real" feeding-one which includes warm snuggles with mom instead of with a bottle. But today, in all of her giggles and laughter- she refused to nurse. She simply was not hungry. And yet the joy at seeing me was still there and was still enough to make me laugh myself.

So now I know. She really is thrilled with seeing me- for no other reason than I am her mom. I pick her up and she snuggles into my shoulder, we sit down on the couch and she is content to just look at me and talk to me and just be with me. This mothering thing is such a gift- and I am so incredibly lucky.

A sea of blaze orange

2006-11-19T15:59:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again-- a time when all the men in these parts gather together at "deer camp" and do that special bonding activity of shooting helpless animals for sport. Now before you go all NRA on me, I do admit that we need hunters to keep the deer and other wild animal populations under control. If it weren't for the annual deer hunt, I would have totaled probably every vehicle I have ever owned in a car/deer crash. And I do like to eat venison, most of the time. And I come from a family of hunters, I married a hunter and my boys are already pretend hunting in the backyard.

In spite of all this, I cannot wrap my mind around the actual killing of the animal itself. That moment, when you see this gorgeous, serene animal slowly and unsuspectingly walking through the trees and you decide to take a shot. And Bam! You snuff the life out of another living being. It is that particular moment that I can't understand. Heck, I even have a bit of a hard shell when it comes to seeing the gutted animal hanging from the tree. For some reason, that doesn't bother me much. Not even when I see a dead deer in the back of a pickup with its head hanging over the tailgate. I don't even flinch. But thinking about actually taking the shot that killed it makes me squirmy.

Where we live, the annual deer hunt is part of the fabric of our lives. Every year, I kiss my husband good-bye for four days and send him off with my dad and my brother-in-law to the cabin. My two uncles and two cousins also have a cabin just down the road from ours, and they all bring friends so there are a lot of hunters hanging around. I'm not sure how much hunting actually happens- I don't ask the details. I would imagine there is probably a lot of napping going on, interpersed with a few trips out to the deer stands. They typically aren't a drunken lot, although I have seen pictures of one occasion when they imbibed a little too much. That evening ended with a deer carcass laid out in the bed next to a passed out uncle- his "date" for the weekend. All I could say was "Ewwww!!!"

We live in the country and all of our neighbors are hunters. Our house sits out in the open, on a little rise. Across the street it is solid woods and off in the distance there are good hunting spots. I always feel a little like a sitting duck on the opening weekend of the hunt. I am not sure how far a rifle cartridge will travel, but it doesn't seem a stretch to imagine that if someone fired in the direction of our house and missed his target, that we may see a stray bullet come flying through a window. Last year, I drove out of my driveway and saw a group of men in blaze orange in the woods across the street. They were walking in a line through the woods, driving deer. The man on the end of the line, closest to the road, had his rifle laying across his arm, the barrel pointing directly at my house and me in the driveway. When he saw me he lifted it up and pointed it at the sky, but it was a little unnerving anyway! I wondered what would happen if he had tripped over a log and accidentally fired the thing.

I try to have plans during opening weekend so the kids and I don't have to sit here and try to amuse ourselves. I won't let the kids play outside. It may seem a little harsh but when you can hear shooting frequently throughout the day, you tend to want to keep everyone a little closer. We have to keep the dogs tied up and they hate it. They bark incessantly and so it is better if we just leave. On our trip out of here to go and occupy ourselves with other things for the day, around every corner we see pickup trucks parked in fields and blaze orange bodies hiking back to the choicest hunting spots. We can't escape it! Then I worry about a stray bullet hitting the van while we're driving down the road! ;)

Just a little slice of life in northern Wisconsin! In spite of the week of blaze orange and distant rifle shots, it is a wonderful place to live. Really.

A conversation with my former pastor

2006-11-13T14:17:00.000-06:00

Our beloved former pastor has given up the ministry to become an over-the-road truck driver. He is often on the road on Sundays so we don't see much of him. This past Sunday, however, he was in church and we spent some time after the service catching up. Here is a perfect example of how this man thinks...

Him: (admiring Anna, in my arms) Now that you've had her, do you think you've gotten it all out of your system?

Me: Oh no- I could do it all again. I love being pregnant.

Him: (looking at me as if I am from outer space) You love being pregnant? How many more times do you want to do this?

Me: Well, Derick says we're done so I guess I'll have to settle for that. Or maybe I could be a surrogate for someone!

Him: Yeah- then we could hang a sign around your neck that says "Womb for Rent" Hahahaha

At this point he was doubled over in laughter, obviously pleased with himself. I couldn't help but laugh too- simply because I admire his quick wit. He is a very unique and wonderful man and I don't think I will ever meet another person like him. We miss him in the pulpit on Sundays but we know he is following a life-long dream. Who can resist the call of the open road?

I just had to share my little funny for the week.

Have a good one!

Recovery

2006-11-10T22:21:00.000-06:00

I am finally starting to feel better after my encounter with the operating room. My incisions are healing nicely even though the baby sometimes catches her toe on the one by my belly button. (youch!) I can say now, with all honesty, that my continuing tummy pains are only a result of Tuesday's election. (I think I'm suffering from PTSD here)

One of the benefits of my job with the early childhood program is that I have access to a ton of educational resources for preschoolers. Today I was subject to a Staff Development workshop in which I was told exactly how to help my kindergartner learn initial sounds of words. If you remember, Joshua has been struggling with this and I have been trying to get over my "how can you not get this it's so simple" routine. (I have never said those words out loud...yet)

Here is what I learned during a "curriculum sharing" presentation with our speech pathologist. There is a step-by-step progression that most children will follow when learning phonemic awareness.
First is Listening. They must be able to listen for sounds.
Second is Rhyming.
Third is Awareness of Words and Sentences. (aware that our language is made up of strings of words that make sentences, that there is a natural break between words and sentences)
Fourth is Awareness of Syllables.
Fifth is Initial and Final Sounds.
Sixth is Introducing Letters and Spellings.

Where do initial sounds fall on this list? Yes, it is almost the last thing. I think we are probably stuck somewhere around the Awareness of Words and Sentences and Awareness of Syllables. Okay- huge light bulb moment for me. Again, I was reminded that he will learn this stuff in due time, after he has mastered the skills that come before it. I can't rush him and he can't "get" something that is out of sequence on his own individual pathway to reading. Duh. I know this. I just needed the reminder. By the way, Dy, we have also been doing alliteration as you suggested and if nothing else, it makes him giggle! "Brandon broke his bike with the bat and burped blue bubbles to make it better." He's a laugh a minute, this one. ;)

Samantha landed a role in a local community theater's Christmas production this year. It is "A Little House Christmas" based on the books we all know and love. Samantha gets to be Carrie. She is so excited. The director said she has "adapted" the play so that all the kids will get a speaking part. This theater offers acting classes for kids four times a year and in conjunction with the class they also put on a play which the kids in the class can choose to audition for or not. Of course, Samantha wanted to. I am happy for her as this is something she has talked about doing for a long time. The rehearsal schedule is pretty intense for the next 8 weeks or so and then in the month of December she will be in 7 performances. It is so neat to see her growing up and gaining her own interests and passions. There are a lot of other girls in this class/play and they all seemed to know each other from school or whatever. Samantha didn't know anyone because this theater is in a different town. That first day she walked right in and sat right down and didn't seem bothered at all by the fact that everyone else in the room was chatting with a friend. She is so confident and I just love that about her. I hope she never loses that part of herself.

Have a good one everybody! And remember to count your blessings...

Surgery

2006-11-03T02:17:00.000-06:00

I cannot sleep. I had quite the day and the anesthesia-induced sleep from earlier has set my routine off a bit.

I did it. I had my gallbladder out today. Apparently if every woman in your family has had theirs out, eventually you will, too. ;) I have spent the past week or so very troubled by the prospect of this surgery. I have not had any type of surgery or major medical procedure since I had my appendix out when I was eleven. (does having babies count as a major medical procedure? Naahhhh...)

Yesterday I was very on edge. The thought of anesthesia was freaking me out but the biggest issue was the fact that I couldn't get a straight answer about how soon I could breastfeed after surgery. I was told both that surgery would inhibit nursing and may end it altogether. I was also told that surgery wouldn't affect nursing if I was diligent about it. So of course, wanting to make sure that didn't happen, I became determined to nurse Anna as soon as possible after surgery. I was told three different stories-that I should pump and dump once and then nurse, that I was free to nurse her right away without pumping, and that I should wait at least 8 hours before nursing. When I heard that I might have to wait 8 hours I spent the next fifteen minutes crying my eyes out. 8 hours is a long time to not be able to nourish your baby- and she is to the point now where she uses nursing as a comfort thing just as much as for eating. I was so incredibly bummed.

The anesthesiologist had a talk with the surgeon and together they decided that it would be okay to nurse her as soon as I was able to. Whew! What a relief! I did pump and dump once and ended up being able to nurse about 5 hours after surgery. The milk production is slow but I have been really drinking the water and I may end up getting some of that Mother's Milk tea to help rebuild my supply.

So, having dealt with that, let me just say that even though this was an outpatient procedure- even though I was put under for less than an hour- even though it was done laprascopically- it still pretty much sucked. I have a new respect for people who must undergo numerous major surgeries for whatever reason. The worst part was coming out of the anesthesia. I got the shakes- much like I did during labor- only these were much worse. And I didn't have the best nurses- one nurse kept asking me if I wanted warm blankets to try and help. That was so kind of her because the heavy blankets may have helped but she got sort of yelled at by the other nurse who said, "She's not cold-it's from the anesthesia. All the warm blankets in the world won't help her." and she kept telling me, "I know that bothers you, but there's nothing we can do about it. You just have to wait until they wear off." Great. Not one attempt to try and help. I was freaking out because I was still only half aware of what was going on around me. My mom was waiting for me in the recovery room and I just had to squeeze her hands and bite my lip and cry a little until the shakes went away. I started hyperventilating and then they told me I had to slow down my breathing. I did and then I got really sleepy again, but when I would doze off I felt like my breathing would stop and I would be jolted awake gasping for breath. Sort of like a person does when they are snoring. It really, really sucked. But it's funny how the timing on these things works because within an hour and a half I was sitting up asking for water and felt almost human again. I was able to go home shortly after that.

Now I have a little bit of pain in the incisions- there are four of them on my tummy. Extra strength Tylenol seems to be working for that- I really didn't want to take the Vicodin they prescribed. And I am feeling on the mend. It really helped me alot to be able to hold my baby again and just be with her and the other kids. I think most of my worries about the surgery stemmed from my maternal instincts which are in high gear right now. I worried mostly about something happening to me and my children growing up motherless. Isn't that silly?

They have told me that the gallbladder is a non-essential organ. I sure hope they are right!

Have a good one! I will be spending the day relaxing and recuperating and hopefully being waited on hand and foot. ;)

150 things...

2006-10-26T13:52:00.000-05:00

Loved this meme!! (from Laney)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights-- every winter we get a great show
15. Gone to a huge sports game--do Packer games count?
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Tested beyond my strength

2006-10-24T14:34:00.000-05:00

Our Chili Feed was so much fun!! I don't have a total count of how many people were here but it was a lot. And the number of children running to and fro was quite large as well. They ran about, exploring the cornfields and the goat pen and the chicken coop. My boys were so proud to take the other boys "down to the snowmobile trail"- a serious jaunt through some corn and woods. They were able to be the leaders and show everyone else the way. Just what little boys need to become men! There was one time I looked up and saw a train of about 8 little boys trickling out our back door- they kept coming out like clowns from a VW Bug. And they were all playing together without a squabble. Later on, after dark, the kids were able to take some flashlights and follow a trail of reflectors that Derick had put out. The reflectors were actually a haunted trail and some of the dads in the crowd hid in the bushes to scare the kids. What a hoot!

At one point I noticed a woman in a black leather jacket with a white scarf that I did not recognize and later on there was a little boy running through my living room that didn't ring any bells with me. Checked with Derick and he didn't know either. You gotta love that! We figured if they were party crashers that was fine- the more the merrier! By the time we started to make connections- (hmmm...maybe she belongs with so and so...) they were already gone so we couldn't verify. Oh well- I hope they had a good time!

This year we had our first Chili judging contest. Derick made a horrific home-made trophy to give to the winner. Imagine my delight when they picked Derick as the winner (the chili was all numbered, not named) and I realized that trophy was going to sit in my house for another year. I made them pick somebody else! That was fun.

This week is another very hectic one for me. I feel exhausted already and it's only Tuesday! I had a staff meeting yesterday for my far-away job and found out that there are some changes being made to the way we do things. In order to implement these changes they are planning a series of meetings through November and December. Great- one more thing to fit into my schedule.

Then- on Saturday night after all of our guests left- I had another massive gallbladder attack. All I can say is OUCH! It was so horrifically painful- worse than any other pain I have ever felt- including childbirth. It looks as though my gallbladder must come out. Seriously, when the doctor told me that, my first thought was not anything about the surgery itself. Instead, I wondered how I would ever find the time to fit it in! I must do it, because I don't ever want to go through pain like that again. It looks as though it will happen sometime in the next couple of weeks. Yuck.

What was it I read somewhere about God not letting you be tested beyond your strength? (tongue-in-cheek folks, I know it's from the Bible) That has now become my new mantra. The voices in my head are repeating it daily- even hourly.

On a good note- I managed to get rid of two of my responsibilities this week. I was the Treasurer for our Wednesday night youth program at church and also the Treasurer/Registrar/Admin person for our Skating program. This week I pawned both of those duties off on new people. Wahoo!! Even in the midst of the chaos, I am attempting to pare down.

Have a good one!

Chili!!

2006-10-19T15:58:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again- time for our annual Chili Feed. We do this every year and invite basically everyone we know and they must bring chili. We usually end up with at least 20 different pots of chili. Yummy!

This year I haven't been feeling up for a big party. I am just too busy to do all the preparations and I cherish my weekends to sort of decompress. But Derick was insistent that this party will remain an annual thing so he has taken it upon himself to do all the work. Invitations? check Games for kids? check Clean house? check He even scrubbed the bathroom!! I was so sure that was one task he would leave for me but he actually did it himself. Wow.

Saturday is the big day and of course the weather forecast is calling for rain/snow mix and temps in the low 40's. Brrrrr! Hopefully we can avoid the rain and have a big bonfire. That would make the cold much more tolerable.

Soooo... on a different note-- can anyone out there explain to me the difficulty in learning how to distinguish the first sound of a word? I am working on letter sounds and recognition with Joshua and he is really having a hard time with the first sounds of words. I am having a hard time understanding how that can be so hard! Is it normal for a kid to struggle with that concept? Do I need to have his hearing checked? Please reassure me that he is normal....please? ;)

Have a great day!

La Vida Loca

2006-10-17T22:48:00.000-05:00

Pure craziness. That is how I would describe my life right now. I am running ragged and am so incredibly busy- it just stinks. This is not how I want to live my life! I have always wanted the simple, slow pace where earning the almighty dollar was not top priority. I fear I have crossed over into a world that I may never be able to get out of. The rat race is going strong here in the great northwoods!

My weekly schedule is very, very full.
On Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays I work at church from 8:30am until 1:00pm. Come home, eat whatever lunch my husband has prepared. He leaves for work at 2:oopm so I am left to clean up the lunch dishes. Sometime around 2:30 or 3:00 the kids and I do some schoolwork. We work for a couple of hours and wrap things up just in time for supper. I make supper, clean up supper, try to read to the kids and then get everyone into bed by 8:30 or 9:00. I then spend an hour or so preparing for my classes the next day. I am usually in bed by 10:00 or 10:30.

On Tuesdays I am up and out of the house by 7:30am to go to my other job. I leave that job at 1:00pm and get home by 2:00- just in time for Derick to leave. I have decided that this day will be our day off from schoolwork since I have such a hectic and early morning. The rest of my Tuesday is spent cleaning up and doing laundry, paying bills, etc., and basically just taking care of the demands of my children. I have them for supper, bath and bedtime every night all by myself.

Wednesdays are the only days I don't work. We are up by 8:00am and I try to start schoolwork by 9:00. We again spend only a couple of hours on it- that seems to be the limit to what I can handle right now, and the baby too. Then comes lunch and cleaning up lunch and we have to be to the church for our Wednesday night thing by 3:00. We get home around 6:30 or 7:00 and then everyone is into bed again by 8:30 or so.

My weekends are my only time to really get some chores done around here but lately those have been booked too. I am getting worn. out.

I definitely will not be working both of these jobs next year, I just can't possibly do it. I think Derick is coming around to the idea of him getting a second job, but we have also discussed other possibilities like selling the house. I would hate to do that because I love this house and it was supposed to be our Forever Home, (a la Dy) but I guess I would rather be home with my kids right now. We can always buy another Forever Home later.

The only thing that keeps me going is a faint sense of hope that things have got to get better. He has applied at quite a few different places now that he has his degree. A couple of those places have shown real interest in him and he has had one interview, with another one promised by the end of the month. I hang on to that little glimmer of hope and pray every night for things to start turning around. I also pray that God would guide me to be a better steward of the blessings we have been given because sometimes I feel like the situation we are in right now is solely my fault, only because I am the one who handles the household money. It is a burden that I carry, and I know it is not totally rational, but I do feel responsible for our money problems. I know in my heart that I am stretching every dollar as far as it will go, but my head is telling me that I need to do more. And then I get angry because it shouldn't be up to me- it should be up to the man of this house to fix this problem. I am a mother, not a breadwinner.

I feel like Dory. "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming..."

Oh boy!

2006-09-20T22:21:00.000-05:00

I have been asking myself all day- my goodness, what have I done? ;) I did it- I pulled Samantha out of school yesterday. Not that I literally went there and pulled her out of her classroom- but when I picked her up at the end of the day I politely informed the office that she would not be back. We then went to her room and cleaned out her desk and her locker and that was that.

It was mostly at her request- she was sick of being treated like a baby and was not very fond of her teacher. I didn't say much about it beyond that first week. I had encouraged her to give it more time- feeling like I needed to teach her that she couldn't just throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. But then she did give it more time and it didn't get any better so when she woke up for the second day in a row saying she just really did not want to go back, I said okay.

Ask me how my husband reacted when I told him. Oh, that's right, I didn't tell him! I just went and did it! That was a huge step out of my comfort zone but once he realized what was happening he didn't say anything to me. When he woke up this morning and she was still here he kept whatever thoughts he had to himself. It had not been a big secret that she didn't want to go- he knew that much. Just on Sunday night he had been encouraging her to give it more time. But I had a sense that he would be okay with her staying home when she told him that one reason she wanted to stay home was so that she could see him more. (since he works second shift she never sees him until the weekend) He just grinned at her as I sat back and laughed. She knew exactly the right thing to say! It softened him up anyway.

Today I did not have to work at any job so I took all the kids to run some errands. We hooked up with my dad for lunch and when he found out that she was not in school anymore he really gave me the once-over. He is usually very good about keeping his opinions to himself when it comes to his grandkids but today he just couldn't help himself. He said things about what sort of example am I setting for my daughter if I let her "quit" school simply because she doesn't like her teacher... I am not teaching my kids to take school seriously... I am teaching them that getting an education doesn't matter... They won't do well at home because I don't have enough structure... blah, blah, blah. I have tried so many times in the past to get my family to understand my view of the public schools but I have come to realize that what I say just doesn't matter. So I told him to finish up telling me his opinion and then I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't attempt to defend my actions, I really didn't say much of anything except that he should hurry up and get it over with so we could talk about something else. So he told me what he thought and then he promised not to talk about it again. I guess we'll see.

I tried really hard to not let him get under my skin and I think I did pretty well. I am in a different place now than I was the last time I had the kids home. I am more confident and more sure of my decision. But hearing those kinds of things from a person whom you respect and trust is tough to take. I will admit that he got to me a little bit. I have been trying all day to put it out of my head and to tell myself positive messages instead. It's not easy but I know in my heart that I have made the right choice and anyway, they are my children, not his.

Okay- so wish me luck in trying to juggle 3 kids' educations, 2.5 jobs, one infant, and a rather chaotic home. I know the key to my success is in my attitude towards the situation. My new mantra lately has been, "the Lord will give me everything I need to get through this day... (deep breath) the Lord will give me everything I need to get through this day... (deep breath) the Lord will give me everything I need to get through this day..." So far, it's been enough.

Have a great day!

Good things

2006-09-12T22:42:00.000-05:00

Baby is finally sleeping upstairs on our bed but since she seems to have a thing about sleeping alone, I am sure I won't get to blog much tonight. I expect her to be stirring and squirming any minute now.

I just wanted to announce to the world that I have been doing school for two days now with my boys and I couldn't have asked for a better start. Jeremy seems to be getting some confidence back in his reading, and he declared that he loves math! (Math-U-See, for now) Wow. I really wanted to work on his confidence level but I didn't expect to see so much change so early. It's as if he knows the pressure is off and he can just work at his own pace without being made to feel like he can't do it.

Joshua needs a lot of work with fine motor skills so he has been practicing writing his name and coloring and all that fun stuff. He seems to be catching on to the academic things quite quickly and is willing to sit and actually do the work. This is so different from how Jeremy was at this stage- I am thrilled. I wondered if I would have another reluctant learner on my hands but so far, so good.

Samantha is adjusting to her new teacher and her announcements of wanting to stay home are dying off. I am sad about this but I truly believe that this year I need to have the time to focus on my boys and find my groove. Trying to keep her challenged is something I know I would not have time for- with the jobs and everything. I am aiming for bringing her home next year, unless I just can't stand it anymore. She is already flashing some of that schoolyard attitude that I just spent the summer beating out of her. ;)

As promised, the babe is whimpering so I must go.

Have a great day!

May We Never, Ever Forget

2006-09-10T22:06:00.000-05:00

Five years ago we were all witness to an act of such hatred and evil that we could scarcely comprehend it. At the time, I knew on some level that what I was seeing was real, it was reality. But on another level I found myself hoping and almost believing that it was all a dream. I simply could not, and still cannot, wrap my mind around the cataclysmic events of that day. It is beyond comprehension and five years has not made it any easier to understand.

So many lives were lost that day. I am proud to honor Firefighter Timothy Haskell.

Timothy Haskell, age 34, was a New York City firefighter and resident of Seaford, NY. Timothy's parents are Maureen and the late Thomas Sr. and his surviving siblings are Ken, Kevin and Dawn. Another brother, Thomas Jr. was also lost in the attacks of September 11th.

The following is part of a profile published by The New York Times on September 19, 2001:

Timothy Haskell trained his dalmatian, Blaze, to "stop, drop and roll." He took the dog to the school where his sister, Dawn Haskell-Carbone, teaches. "Timmy would say to the dog, 'Your clothes are on fire! What do you do?' " she recalled yesterday. "She would stop, throw herself on the ground and roll. He would ask the kids, 'What if you smell smoke?' The dog would crawl on her belly over to a door. Timmy would say, 'Feel the door first to see if it's hot.' And the dog would put her paws on the door."

Timothy grew up in Seaford, N.Y. — on a skateboard, then a dirt bike, and always on the water. As an adult, he loved scuba diving and extreme games; he was getting his pilot's license.

Timothy, 34, and two of his brothers, Thomas and Kenneth, followed their father into firefighting.

"All my brothers, they all got perfect scores on their physical, and their tests were almost perfect," his sister said. "It was that important to them, that they worked hard at it."

In trying to learn everything I could about Timothy Haskell, I was struck by how he seemed to be such a fun-loving guy. People mentioned his ever-ready laugh, his love of boats and fast motorcycles and his passion for his job. I can only imagine how many people he must have helped escape the towers on that tragic morning- how scared he must have been when he realized what was really happening. But he continued to do his job and probably wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere but there.

Thank-you Tim. You made the greatest sacrifice possible in your efforts to help people that day and we will never, ever forget. You will live on in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved you, but also in the hearts and minds of this nation who learned that day what it means to be a hero. Thank-you.

Please check out the other tributes to those who lost their lives that day. And take a moment on this fifth anniversary to hug your family a little bit closer and say a little prayer of thanks that you have them there to hug.

And never, ever forget.

And we're off!

2006-09-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

We are off- getting started into the new school year. And yes, Samantha did go to school this week. In the interest of avoiding a total nervous breakdown due to the overwhelming tasks I have undertaken this year, I sent my daughter off to school. She wanted to go and I am okay with that. However, after two days she apparently is not okay with it anymore! She came home yesterday- the first day!- and said she didn't want to go back. This came out of left field let me tell you. She is super social- loves other kids- loves schoolwork the way the schools do it- with lots of worksheets and busywork. I never in a gazillion years expected her to say that she wanted to stay home. And her reasons? First thing she said was that she was bored. She said, "If I am going to be bored I would rather be bored at home so I can watch TV." Ha! note to self: it's time to re-examine the amount of TV watching that goes on here...

Then she said by the end of the day she had a headache and a tummy ache because the teacher would not let her get a drink when she needed to. She was thirsty. This is the type of stuff I hate about public schools! I think kids know when they are thirsty or have to use the bathroom or whatever and I find it absolutely deplorable that teachers try to limit that sort of thing in the interest of classroom management. Give me a break! When, as an adult, are you ever going to be told that you cannot use the restroom or get something to drink? We would never dream of doing that to a fellow adult- why do they think it's okay to do it to kids?

I convinced Samantha to give it another try- one day is not a real good representation of how the year may go. But then she came home today and said that the teacher has another "stupid rule". (is it okay for me to teach my kids that some rules are stupid? Well, it's too late now anyway!) Apparently if you have to use the bathroom during "work time" then you have to give up five minutes of your recess. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Poor Samantha. She agreed to give up part of her recess and then she said that she thought the teacher would use that time to fill her in on what she missed while she was in the bathroom. But no- she said "The teacher just sat there and I wandered around the room" Okay- so on this issue I was glad to hear Derick was of the same opinion as me. He thought it was all ridiculous too. I told Samantha to give it until the end of the week and if she still wanted to stay home at that point then we would un-enroll her as well. Secretly, I am glad that she has picked up on some of what makes public schools so inherently wrong as a system. Maybe I am rubbing off on her a little? ;)

My boys are glad to be home too. Once the first day of school came and went and little Jeremy knew without a doubt that he was staying home, he perked up quite a bit. He seems to be making big strides toward getting back to his old self again. I am glad to see that. This week has been hectic for me with a bunch of meetings at work so I am planning on starting some school with the boys next week. I need to have more structure to our schooling or Derick will really be on my case but I don't want to get too far into it until I get settled into my new (old) job again. So we will start out slow and that is okay with me. I have outlined some simple goals for the boys this year and I know where I want them to be next year at this time. We will work towards those goals slowly but surely and hopefully I can re-adjust Jeremy's attitude about school in general. He just needs a little confidence and he needs a safe place to develop that. I can't think of a better place than here at home with the people who love him the most.

Ahhh... ain't life grand? ;)

Have a great day!

The adventure begins...

2006-08-30T14:09:00.000-05:00

Wow. I really need to post more often so that when I do post I don't have three weeks of stuff to catch you all up on! This may be a long post - hopefully you'll make it to the end!

There has been a lot going on around here these past few weeks. Foremost on my mind has been, of course, the homeschooling issue. Getting my baby to drink from a bottle has been running a close second. Everything else comes in last.

I am so lucky. I can't and shouldn't ever complain. I was supposed to have three staff meetings at my new job this week. Two of those were meetings with the entire district staff- not just the people at the early childhood center where I will be working. Last week my baby refused to take her bottle. Her daddy tried every trick in the book but nothin' doin'. Apparently it's gotta be the real deal for this chick and I can't say that I blame her! I spent most of the week in despair- knowing that on Monday I would be 45 minutes away for the entire morning. As a last resort I called my boss. Oh my goodness- she went and exempted me from all the meetings this week!! I was so relieved and so grateful. From here on out, anything that happens at my new job is baby-friendly. We will still try to get her to take a bottle but if she absolutely refuses then I can bring her with me. Wahoo!! I am really, really blessed. Next week I have two more meetings and finally start actually teaching again on the 12th.

On a completely different note- today I called the school and officially withdrew the boys. They will be homeschooled from here on out. We have been going around and around about this all summer and I got fed up. I told Derick that I was keeping them all home and he basically threw up his hands in defeat. Ha! I am persistent if nothing else! Then, only to solidify my decision, I heard from another mom that my son had been the topic of a discussion between her and his teacher- a discussion which never should have happened. Remember last spring when he was having such a hard time going to school every day? We had tears and tantrums every morning for the last two months of school. We asked him in every gentle way possible what was going on- did someone hurt him? was someone mean to him? did his teacher do something? Whatever it was, he was not able to verbalize it. On one occasion he said that there were some boys who were being mean by not sharing their toys. I asked his teacher about it and she said that wasn't true- Jeremy was well liked by everyone, got along with everyone, etc.

Yesterday I hooked up with this other mom who substitute teaches at the school quite frequently. I told her that I wanted to homeschool the boys this year and one thing led to another and she informed me that she knew all about Jeremy's issues and that his teacher had told her that there were two little boys who had been very mean to him. Whatever it was that they did I don't know but she made them stay in from recess on more than one occasion because of it. I was absolutely floored. And then I got pissed. Why, for the love of God, would she not tell me the truth about that when I asked? We were so worried about him because he was acting so out of character- a little info on what was really happening would have gone a long way towards easing my mind. I have no reason as to why the teacher would not have told me that. And why she shared it with someone else is also beyond me. So I got really, really mad and I told Derick last night that the school district will never get their hands on my kids again. This is where he just blink- blinked at me and kept his mouth shut. (smart man) I called the principal first thing this morning and told her that I was un-enrolling the boys. And I felt so relieved. Now I have to deal with Samantha. She really, really wants to go to school and I have an inclination to send her for this one year so I can focus on my little guys- especially dealing with Jeremy's distaste for all things academic. I will update you later on what we decide to do with her.

Okay- so the breastfeeding baby problem has been resolved- the boys are staying home from now on- what else is there? Oh yeah- we had Anna's baptism last weekend. It was a lovely day and I hope to post pictures soon. We were also forced to buy a newer van since I refused to dive the old one more than a couple of miles. It just wasn't safe anymore- it had some steering and brake issues. We had to suck it up and just buy a different one- we found a decent one with not very many miles and a monthly payment that is not too high. I am relieved because now whenever I haul the kids around I don't have to always be thinking that I'm going to lose a tire or lose my brakes or something.

All in all things are good. I still long for the day when I won't need to be working but I am glad that while I do have to work I am able to have jobs that are family-friendly and flexible. I may get stressed out once I start teaching again- just with the sheer amount of demands placed on me- especially now with schooling the boys- but I will just take it one day at a time and accomplish whatever I can in that day and go to bed knowing that not a minute was wasted. That's all I can do. The rest will have to take care of itself.

Have a good one everybody!!

When to ask for help

2006-08-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

My second-born is quite independent. He has been picking his own clothes and getting himself dressed every day since he was about 3. He goes about his business and does his own thing and rarely needs input from me. Most of the time I encourage this trait- I like to see a child that is able to do things on their own. Until now.

Yesterday I got up from feeding the baby, walked past the bathroom and stopped dead in my tracks. My little guy with the big, gorgeous brown eyes was perched precariously on the edge of the bathroom sink, straining to see himself in the mirror, trying to pluck a gnat out of his eye... with a tweezer!!

Oy vey.

There oughta be a law...

2006-08-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

Really, there oughta be a law against women being made to leave their babies. It should be a crime punishable by hefty fines and possibly jail time for the husband who thinks it is a-okay. No woman should ever feel like she has no choice but to leave her infant for a period of time- however big or small- to become a contributor to the household finances. It just plain shouldn't happen.

Can you tell I went back to work this week? Can you tell I have had unpersuasive arguments with my husband regarding the situation? Can you tell I am feeling a bit bitter?

It was the hardest thing to do - to walk out on my sleeping baby and know that I would have to rely on someone else's interpretation of her cries to summon me home again. The first two days went as well as could be expected. She was good, but I know she knew I was not there. I know she was wondering where on earth the lady with the milk ran off to. And my dear husband, bless his heart, he tries but he just doesn't quite understand that being comforted by your flat-chested, hairy, deep-voiced daddy is not quite the same as being comforted by the soft curves of mom's chest and her quiet and soothing voice.
Anna tolerated it well until today, the third day of my back-to-work saga. Daddy called me to come home, "I think she needs to eat again or something." and in the background I hear my 2 month old screaming and screaming with the angriest of cries. She was mad, no doubt about it. Luckily I work only a minute from home and have the freedom to up and leave. I got home and snatched her out of my husband's arms, calmed her down a little, and then she nursed to her little hearts content. We fell asleep on the bed together, her making little sobbing noises as a result of the hard crying. Ugh. it was horrible and I was in tears myself. Not to mention that even though I am free to leave my work and take care of my baby, the work still needs to be done. After she had a little nap and nursed again, back we went to the church office- this time with all my youngin's in tow. She still was not herself, so I was bouncing her on my hip and trying to cut and paste things for Sunday's bulletin at the same time. It took me twice as long to get done than if I had no children with me, but I guess I should just be grateful that my job offers such freedom.

That's the kicker, really. Every time I get frustrated or angry at our situation, there is a voice in the back of my head reminding me that it could be so. much. worse. I could be in a situation where I have to leave my baby for eight hours a day with a stranger and can't be there for her at all until evening. Then I feel guilty for complaining- guilty for feeling discontentment- guilty for longing that things could be different. I am so blessed- who am I to complain?

In another couple of weeks I will have to leave my baby again- this time for my new job which is 45 minutes away. Then there will be no running home to the rescue if she gets upset. Daddy will have to deal with it. That scares me- it is going to be a hard, hard day. And we have to get her to take a bottle of expressed milk before then too. That just feels wrong. I console myself with the thought that the hardest days will be now, while she is still so young, but that as she gets older it will get so much easier. That's the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that this hard time is such a short time.

But Lord, I still think there ought to be a law. It just isn't right for any woman to have to leave her baby for any length of time. Period.

Choices

2006-07-18T16:02:00.000-05:00

I am going to try and take just a minute to blog while the baby is sleeping. She has been a little out-of-sorts the past couple of days and whenever she is awake she is stuck to my hip like glue. That's okay- I have been through this enough times to know that this won't last long. Pretty soon she'll be begging me to put her down so she can try and keep up with her brothers and sister. So for now, I hold her as much as she likes.

I have been praying and praying for a solution to my work/homeschool issue. I guess I got my answer, sort of. My old work called me and wants me to come back. I have been "laid off" for two years. This job is the one I went to college for- the one which my degree is for- and I can't really say no. It will be one day a week and for that one day I will earn the same as what the church pays me for three days. The only drawback is that the drive to this job is 45 minutes. I can bring my baby with me if I want to, so that is a bonus too. Of course I said yes and will start at the end of August.

My problem now lies in the fact that the people at church told me that I could continue working there, whenever I could come in to get the job done- the hours would be totally up to me. And they would still pay me the same. I feel this incredible pressure to work both jobs to help us get caught up financially, plus to help out the church a little bit since there aren't a lot of people breaking the door down to take over my job.

The thought of trying to do all of that, plus take care of my family and my baby is overwhelming and daunting and is usually followed by all the symptoms of a nervous breakdown. But for now, that is my reality, at least until they find someone to replace me at the church. Am I being too nice? Probably. Can I handle it all? Probably. Will I enjoy it while I am "handling" it? Probably not. My only hope is that it is temporary and that choice is up to me.

On a different note, since hubby graduated in May I have been quietly encouraging him to look for another job that pays more. I have found a few that pay very well that he could apply for. Hopefully one of them will pan out.

I am so incredibly happy and so incredibly sad at the same time. I feel blessed beyond measure when I look at my children and when I hold my baby. I feel grateful that we are all healthy and that we have a home that we love and food on the table. Yet I feel sad because I can't be the wife and mother that I want to be due to the money issues. I can't be fully present at home which is what my heart yearns for.

I am trying to approach the situation with wisdom and clarity and grace and courage. I will post more if things change but for now, I expect I will be too busy to blog much. Besides, I don't want to miss a minute with that little beauty. My first day back to work is coming too soon.

Have a great day everyone!

The good things

2006-06-26T22:01:00.000-05:00

Whew. Things are finally starting to feel a little more "normal" around here- if you can call anything we do here normal. :)

Baby is getting more predictable- I can take her places without worrying that she (or I) will have a complete breakdown. The nursing pain is finally starting to improve. I never did mention that problem, did I? That first week I had a lot of pain when she would eat but I figured it was just the initial pain that always happens and that it would get better. I came home from the hospital on Thursday and by Saturday I knew it was not going to get any better- the poor child was extremely tongue-tied. Joshua was too, but with him I nursed through the pain until it finally went away because I didn't realize what the problem was. This time around, I had the benefit of past experience and so I checked her tongue as soon as I had the inkling that something wasn't right. Sure enough, it was very tight in there. And this time I actually had deep cracks and bleeding and one of my nipples had a huge chunk of flesh that was just gone- a big open sore. (sorry about the details!) I couldn't take it anymore and on that next Monday I took her in to have her tongue clipped. It was a tough decision but I had to do it or give up on breastfeeding.
She weathered the procedure well, after that it was just up to me to tough it out until my wounds healed. I cried at almost every feeding and would bite my tongue or clench my fists to get through the pain. At one point, Derick said, "you know, there are alternatives" but I couldn't bring myself to give it up- especially after I had her tongue clipped. I felt that if I was going to put her through that, then I owed it to her to stick it out as long as I could. I started using that Lansinoh cream and that helped a ton. But it was really just this week that I can say that I have no pain on the left side and minimal pain on the right. Wahoo! I think I deserve the Mother of the Year award for this one! I am so glad I stuck with it because I love nursing my babies- it is such a wonderful experience. But it does make me wonder- how many women try breastfeeding and think they can't do it because of cracks or bleeding when actually it is the baby's tongue that is the problem? If this had been my first baby, I woudn't have had a clue and I probably would have never tried to nurse another baby again.

Yesterday I am glad to say that my second born- the "middle child"- got his own dose of love and affection from Grandma and Daddy. The whole day was devoted to Jeremy- a special treat that my mom does for all her grandchildren for their birthdays. They get a lunch date, a little shopping for toys or clothes or whatever- and then maybe a movie or something else special. Boy, did Jeremy need that! He was so excited and was just beaming with all the attention. Sometimes we forget how he gets lost in the shuffle. He lets us know he is feeling lost by making choices that are, um, shall we just say they are "attention-getting"? He had a great day, and it ended with a promise from him that he would "try not to be mean anymore". I'm not sure where he came up with that particular terminology, but hey, I'm willing to take it if it's what he's offering. Out of all my children- he is the one I struggle with the most. He and I don't always see eye to eye, if you know what I mean. So I was very glad to see him get some extra lovin' and to see the impact it had on him.

All in all it was a good day spent with family and everyone was thrilled that they got to see Anna. I was feeling very blessed by all the love that surrounds us. It's good to be reminded now and again!

Have a great night everyone!

It's all a blur

2006-06-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

Wow. Has it been three weeks already? We are still in that sleep deprived-zombie like state and I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one day and realized it was the middle of August. ;)

Let me just say that I am so totally in love with this child. It still absolutely amazes me that she was in my tummy just a short time ago! I can't stop looking at her, counting her little fingers and toes and kissing her perfect little head. She looks exactly like her sister did as a newborn and so I am constantly being taken back to eight years ago when I was a first-time mom and totally clueless. This time around I am a little more confident and yet still struggle to figure out her cues and cries. Every baby is so different- the fact that this is my fourth doesn't mean a darn thing!

Speaking of four babies- I am feeling "done". I have never felt this way before- I always had that longing for one more baby. Derick thought I would never feel done and that I would always want one more but right now I really feel so complete and content with our family that I really don't think I want any more. It is a great feeling- such a feeling of peace and joy- we are truly, truly blessed. I couldn't ask for anything more- four beautiful, healthy children who bring such life and laughter to our home- what else is there? ;)

Forgive me if I don't blog as much as I should. I am still trying to get a handle on my time management skills- and baby management skills as well! ;) Hopefully some sort of a routine will begin to take shape here soon and I will be able to find regular computer time again.

Have a great day everybody!

She's here!

2006-05-25T17:40:00.000-05:00

She finally decided to make her appearance! On Tuesday morning we welcomed Anna Rose to our family. She weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs 2 oz and was 22 inches long. She came quickly once she decided to come! My water broke at 5:45am, we got to the hospital at 6:30am and she was born at 7:01am. She entered this world like a freight train- there was no stopping her! ;)

We are home now and are taking some time to adjust. She is a great nurser- maybe a little too good at it (ouch!). The kids all dote on her- except for Joshua, he has been a little reluctant to come near her but we are taking lots of extra time with him to keep him feeling secure in his place in the family.

I will post more later when I have more time!

On another note...

2006-05-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

Finally, I will post about something other than this babythatrefusestobeborn.

Yesterday morning I got a bee in my bonnet and went out to the garden. I ended up with this...

As I was out there on my hands and knees, picking and cutting, I was struck by how easy I've really got it. Here I am, 8 days overdue, hugely pregnant, cutting rhubarb and asparagus for fun. 100 years ago, my pioneering foremothers would have been out there because they had to, to feed their families. The strength of those women who settled the land first always, always amazes me. I am thankful to them for their endurance and perseverance and I try to emulate that when I feel "whiny" about my current circumstances.

So, I must have been having that burst of energy that you are supposed to get right before labor kicks in, right? Right? ;) I made rhubarb crisp which everyone loved. The asparagus is wonderful but I don't get enough in one picking to feed more than one person so this time, I gave it to Derick because he hasn't tried any from our garden yet. We are both asparagus fiends and when we moved here that was the first thing we (I) planted. It takes three years to get a decent crop, so this is really the first year that we have been able to pick it heavily. Yummy!

This morning dawned sunny and cool. Made me want to sing "Oh what a beautiful mor---ning! Oh what a beautiful day!" But luckily for you, you can't actually hear me. Only my family gets to suffer that way! ;) I did think today would be a great day to have a baby. Let's hope I'm right!

Have a good one!

One week over and a false alarm

2006-05-19T14:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay. I know you all are getting tired of the baby updates. I am too! I really wish there was something else to blog about but right now, this babe is basically consuming my every waking moment!

Yesterday, we did *ahem* as Hornblower suggested and boy, did it kick things into high gear. Within an hour I was having contractions one after the other and they really, really hurt. When I could no longer stand up through them I said it was time to go to the hospital.

So off we went. Wahoo!! I was excited, anxious, a little bit scared, relieved- all those emotions at once. We called the grandparents to come and be with the other kids- Derick called in to work. And then we waited. And waited. And waited. He watched TV, I writhed in pain every 3 minutes. It was not very fun.

I sat in the whirlpool tub. I walked the floor. I rocked in the big rocking chair. I took a little nap. All the while having these monster contractions every 2-5 minutes. I thought for sure it was moving right along, but... um... no. They checked me three times and every time they said, "sorry, no change." I was dilated to a 2/3 and it never budged even the slightest bit. The last time they checked me and then mentioned something about going home, I broke down in tears. I was physically and mentally exhausted. The midwife gave me something to help me sleep, which normally I would not take, but I really needed it. And then she sent me home. Of course, through all the commotion, the contractions eventually stopped. I took the pills and went to bed.

This morning, I felt much better- more rested. I have been having more contractions today but nothing substantial, again. I did have an ultrasound to check on baby and things look great there, which is a huge relief. I even got to see the 3D image of the baby's face, except it looked wonky because the umbilical cord was floating around in front of its face, across its nose. But seeing that little face helped encourage me to just stay patient and not lose it.

Before she sent me home yesterday, I did make a veiled request for the Pitocin. She felt that as long as things look good with baby that there is no reason to rush this. I appreciate that as I was in a different frame of mind when I asked. They didn't want to break my water because the baby's head is still "bouncy" and they didn't want to run the risk of a prolapsed cord.

So here I sit today. Waiting patiently- or as patiently as I can anyway. I am very relieved that babe still looks good in there and so now I just have to remind myself that he/she/it will come when it's ready.

An interesting thing did happen, though. There has been an older woman at church who has been very sick and was very close to death this week. Apparently, one of our pastors made the comment that, "When E. goes, then Julie's baby will be born." Whatever that means, I'm not sure but it is an interesting thought to think that one soul has to pass before another can be born. Anyway, E. died yesterday evening so now we'll see how long it takes her to convince my new little soul to join us down here earthside!

Have a good day everybody and again, sorry there is no news to report!

Yes, I am a child...

2006-05-17T10:36:00.000-05:00

I finally had to delete that baby ticker. I swear that little stork was laughing at me every time I logged on! ;)

I saw my midwife yesterday. Things still look good- baby is very, very low. Yeah, like I didn't know that! I feel like when I sit down to pee the babe is going to come right out! (sorry for the visual there)

The midwife actually started talking about things like stripping my membranes, ultrasound, non-stress test, inducing, blah, blah, blah. I just wanted to plug my ears and sing, "La La La La! I can't hear you!" (see title of post) I really don't want to go through any of that. I was actually surprised that she would condone those kinds of interventions but I guess when you actually work at a clinic or hospital you are bound by a different set of expectations. She probably has to offer those things as part of the protocol.

I am not even a full week over my date yet so I am not really worried. I know there is a small risk to the baby the longer you go over so I am willing to monitor that, but I refuse to press the panic button right now. I will wait it out, even though it is getting tiresome. No one has ever been pregnant forever, right? :)

In the meantime, I have been enjoying being home and not working. I have been getting caught up on stuff like cleaning and organizing-within the boundaries set by my ever-growing belly. it has been nice to just sort of hang out and do my own thing- spend more time with the kiddoes. I do regret not being able to get out in the garden since the weather has been so beautiful, but I know I will have plenty of opportunities to be out there later this summer. I have been relaxing and taking it easy and not really feeling guilty about it! ;) It's not very often that, as a mother, you get the chance to do that!

Have a great day everybody!

No News...

2006-05-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry to everyone who has been patiently waiting for an update! And thanks for all the well-wishes!

We still have no baby. I thought for sure last night/early this morning it was happening but then everything just petered out--again. I feel like I've been having contractions for a week straight. Oh, wait--that's because I have!! They are hard and painful and only sometimes regular. I do think that has been the hardest part of the waiting game- my body is already tired of contractions and I am not really in labor yet! ;)

We made it through Derick's graduation ceremony, having contractions the whole time. Wouldn't you know his degree program was the last to be called, and of course, due to our last name he was the last of the group. He literally was the last person to walk across the stage. With every contraction I prayed my water wouldn't break so we could at least see him get his diploma! It was a fun night of celebration- the kids were so proud of their daddy.

Other than that, we had a low-key weekend just hanging around and waiting. The kids made me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day and also some homemade cards that are adorable. I'm such a goof over that kind of stuff. I want to save everything they have ever made for me!

I hope everyone else had a great Mother's Day- and got a little bit of a chance to enjoy themselves doing something fun with their families.

And I hope that my next post will be include baby news!

Have a great day!

Hmmm...

2006-05-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

I was just wondering... what happens to my little baby ticker when I go over my due date?
Right now it says, "One day until I'm born." Tomorrow, will it say "Today's the day!" followed by "Oops! You missed your chance!" on Saturday?

I really was planning to have this babe before today. I know, I know, silly me. But based on my past experiences I felt justified in saying that. Now I really don't want to have it until Saturday, at the earliest. Tonight we have soccer pictures followed by a game. Tomorrow night Derick graduates!

I would really hate for him to miss his graduation- he has worked so hard to get to this point. 3 years of classes for someone who hates school- that is an accomplishment! He has reassured me that if he had to miss it he really wouldn't care- obviously he would have a good reason! But somehow I would still feel a little sorry for him that he couldn't go and enjoy the moment. Instead, he may be rubbing my back until his arms are shaky, or getting his fingers squeezed off, or trying to convince me to put that stupid little oxygen mask over my nose. Ha! I know where I would rather be! ;) Give me a graduation ceremony anytime!

That's where we're at today. More waiting but now with a little bit of anxiety over the other things on our schedule. Didn't this baby know that the first part of this week was cleared for arrival? ;)

Have a great day!

Drat!

2006-05-09T21:36:00.000-05:00

I was so sure this was going to be the day! There was about three hours or so this afternoon when the contractions kept coming and coming- and they were hard ones too- the "Ican'ttalkrightnowIhavetobreatheforaminute" ones. I told Derick he might want to stay home from work. He grinned and said, "Call me." Nice. So off he went and I am glad he did because everything stopped. Just plain ole' petered out.

To his credit, he did check in on me with frequent phone calls throughout the afternoon- he isn't totally insensitive. ;) Finally I told him that I didn't think anything was going to happen today and he could go about his business as usual.

So again we are waiting. It's all good- I am totally ready and whenever it happens will be fine with me. It would be nice to have it sooner than later, but I ain't complainin'

Have I mentioned how glad I am that I don't have to go to work anymore? (at least for a while) Today would have been a regular workday but instead I was able to accomplish so much around home. It feels so good to know that the only obligation I have is to my family. I am liking this!

Okay- one question for everyone. How do you choose sponsors/godparents for your children? Do you approach it from a faith standpoint- as in who would be the most likely to take your kids to church in the event something happened to you?
Or do you assume that the godparents will be the ones to take guardianship of your children if something happened to you?
Do you ask friends or only family?
We are struggling with the decision this time around. I would love to hear how other people choose.

Have a great night everyone!

Waiting Game

2006-05-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

I'm back! And no baby yet!! Sorry to everyone on baby-watch! ;)

What a nice break I had. It was productive (mostly) and the best part was that I had no guilt over not being around here more often. ;)

We got the kitchen done-minus the flooring- and have been busy putting things back where they belong. I will post pictures as soon as I get some taken. I love it, love it, love it!! And I love my hubby for working so hard to get it done as quickly as possible. He really did work every spare minute on it until it was useable again. Ya gotta love that dedication!

I got all the baby stuff washed and sorted. It really is tough when you don't know what gender the babe is- people have been asking me left and right if we know what we're having because they have stuff to give us and they are so disappointed when we have to say we don't know! I admit it would be easier to know- I stopped at a garage sale with awesome little girls' stuff but I didn't buy anything for fear of wasting my money if we have a boy. Ah well- the surprise will be fun too. I am so anxious to meet this little one!

I would guess that it could happen any day now. I have never been more than two days off from my due date- so in that way apparently I am pretty predictable. I am thinking sometime this week- but you know what they say about the best laid plans! I told a girlfriend that I was anticipating it would happen this week and she laughed an evil laugh and said, "Girl, you're screwing yourself!"

I am still feeling really good- with the exception of the sore hips and pelvis. I am still accomplishing a lot each day- and not needing to crash on the couch too much. Yesterday I even walked in a short walk-a-thon to raise money for our church youth program. Ha! I said I walked- I didn't say it felt good! ;) I was pretty stiff afterwards.

Our situation with Jeremy and school seems to be getting better. He is still not thrilled with being there but at least the tears every morning have stopped. That's a good thing. We keep reminding him that there is not that much more left of school and then he'll be free. At least, that's what I tell him- Derick might choose to use different words! Yes, we still discuss the homeschooling issue. No, we have not reached any agreement. Only time will tell on that one!

Last Friday was my last day at work. Wahooo!! I can't tell you how great that felt- and how good it feels to know that I don't have to go back until I'm ready! I am a free woman and I intend to show my husband how nice things can be around here with me home all the time. How much more efficiently the house will run and how much more gets done. And- most important of all- how nice it is to have a hot meal on the table every day! I'm shameless, but yes, I am aiming for that cliche' about the way to a man's heart. Hey- whatever works, right? If he can come to see how nice it is to have someone keeping the home fires burnin' then maybe we can come up with some other options for earning the money that my job brings in.

For now, I am just waiting to meet this little person and welcome them to the family. The false labor is getting old and I would love nothing more than to see some consistency in the contractions. Although last week I did have another moment of panic and called Derick at work to wail about how scared of labor I am! He gently reminded me that I have survived it three other times, I would certainly survive a fourth. That anxiety has already given way to excitement and I am just anxious to see what God has in store for us! ;)

Thanks for checking in while I was gone- it's good to be back.

Blog break

2006-04-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a friend who you always have over for dinner and she never reciprocates? Or a friend who you always call up to get together but she never calls you first?

Well I feel like that sort of friend lately. I don't have the time to post comments on everyone's happenings. I would love to but I really only seem to have time for quickly reading the posts and then moving on. I don't have much time for posting my own, either. I don't want to be one of those who is always taking and never returning the favor.

I hope that things improve soon, but for right now I am planning a short blog break. I need time to get my house in order after the kitchen project and before the babe comes. I need time to get things ready for the little one- I don't even have the baby clothes washed yet. I need time to sort out what is going on with my middle son- he still isn't himself. I need time to deal with all of my work frustrations which I haven't mentioned here yet- let's just say one of our interim pastors and I have a severe personality conflict. I just need time and I want to take it guilt-free.

Thanks for all the support. Hopefully I will be back soon.

sad for my boy

2006-04-10T13:44:00.000-05:00

I hope to be able to blog in more detail about what has been happening lately around here. Maybe next week.

We have been having a heck of a time with Jeremy- all last week and now this week too. It started out with his tummy- he really was sick. Then when it came time to go back to school he just didn't want to. His tummy aches grew worse, he began throwing tantrums in the morning- he refused to get out of the van, he refused to stay at the school and screamed for me. I could not leave my child like that, even though I was encouraged to, so I just brought him home again. He missed all of last week and half of today.

Sometimes we think he really is sick- other times we wonder if he isn't getting tummy aches because of the stress of thinking about school. He has said things like, "I just can't take it anymore." and "I don't want to be here alone." (at school, without me) He claims some of the kids are mean to him, he says he just hates it.

If it were up to me alone, I would say okay- he doesn't have to go back. But my husband is determined that he finish the year. Although he does seem more willing to look at homeschooling next year now, after seeing how Jeremy is struggling.

The child is depressed, that is for sure. He actually told me himself that "all Joshua has to do is look at me and I want to cry."

It has been a week of tears, (both him and me), tantrums, confusion, stress. We don't know what to do with him- the doctor did a complete work-up with bloodwork, urine sample, tummy x-ray, etc. and couldn't find anything wrong.

My heart tells me he is just tired of the constraints of school. I can see his little spirit being crushed and how his shoulders sag when he knows he has to go. He doesn't smile anymore- he clings to me and wants me to hold him. He needs to be at home and I am praying that Derick will see it the way I do- especially after all of this.

Please keep us in your prayers- I have a very stressed out and sad little boy- and that leads to a very stressed out and sad mom!

Sorry- no creative title today

2006-04-05T21:34:00.000-05:00

Ack! I am getting worse at this instead of better! I really want to blog every day but I seem to be unable to stop running around like the proverbial chicken without a head. By the time I get a quiet minute to myself I am so exhausted I sit for "just a minute" on the couch and end up in la-la land.

We have been busy with our kitchen project. The old cabinets were torn out last weekend (including my sink!), the sheet-rock is hung and ready to be primered (is that a word?), the new cabinets will go in this weekend (hopefully) and the countertops will be in sometime next week. Then I can get my sink back. In the meantime, it has been a hoot trying to feed the family around here. I don't have a stove as it has been unplugged and moved aside. I am using my laundry tub for dishes, luckily the laundry room is right off the dining room. I have my dish drying rack on top of my clothes dryer, which is really pretty convenient. After all, what do I spend most of my days doing? Laundry and dishes, of course. This way, I don't have to walk very far to get either of them done. I can wash a load of dishes, turn about a half-turn to the right, swap laundry loads, grab a towel, turn back and dry those dishes without ever having to move my feet!

I am so excited about the new kitchen stuff I could just about pee my pants. ;) I can't wait until it is all in working order.

Jeremy is still fighting some weird stomach thing. He goes like blazes for a couple of days and then all of a sudden he complains of a tummy ache and is down for the count. Luckily, there has been no more throwing up, but he is getting depressed from feeling so yucky. He hasn't been to school at all this week- he gets very weepy at the slightest things. I took him to the ped. nurse practitioner this morning (at his request!) and she said that he must have an irritated stomach and upper bowel due to the virus he had. She prescribed Prilosec for three weeks to reduce the amount of acid. Of course, I did not fill the prescription. I picked up some children's pepto-bismol tablets and will get some ginger candy things at the natural foods place tomorrow. I just hate it when the medical establishment thinks you automatically want a drug to fix the problem. No thanks- I think we can manage without contributing more money to the advertising budget of the major pharmaceutical companies.

Baby is doing fine- kicking and poking me in the stomach. I love that. I got the older kids signed up for soccer- luckily I got out of volunteering this year due to my delicate condition. ;) I am getting more excited to meet this little person- even though we still aren't really ready. I still have to dig out baby clothes and the changing table is stuck way back in the closet! Do you think baby will wait? I doubt it- I was doing some serious nesting this weekend- cleaning the kids' rooms and such- and I believe the babe has dropped lower in my pelvis as I am feeling more sore and more pressure "down there". Whoopee! Is it okay to be scared of labor? I try not to think too much about it because if I do, I can remember and I so don't want to remember! ;)

On another note- I gave Derick the letter recommending Jeremy for remedial kindergarten and do you know what he did? He threw it on the table and said, "He doesn't need to go to summer school. That would ruin his whole summer." I was so relieved I almost cried. What an unexpected response since he had just got done telling me how important it was for Jeremy to keep up and not fall behind and blah, blah, blah. He confuses me because in so many ways we are alike in our beliefs, yet he won't budge on the one thing that is most important to me.

Now I have spent too much time writing this and won't have time to do the old blogroll and give everyone else a lovely comment. Maybe tomorrow? I hope so!

Have a great night!

Survival- sickness and otherwise

2006-03-30T16:26:00.000-06:00

Well- we seem to have survived the flu bug. What a nasty bugger it was too! I can handle most anything when it comes to childhood illnesses- except for throwing up. I really don't do that well- especially when pregnant. My gag reflex is extra strong right now and it was hard for me not to yank the puke bucket from the sick child and use it myself! ;) I did end up getting sick too, although not nearly as bad as the kids. The weird thing about this was that typically, I can count on it to be a 24 hour bug, but two of the kids had it 24 hours, had two good days and then on the fourth day they puked again! It seemed like we would never be rid of it. But I think I can safely say that we have kicked it this time. At least I am not bringing the puke bucket with us everywhere we go anymore! Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes too! It's always nice to hear kind words.

In the meantime, amidst all the throwing up and fevers, life really did go on. Jeremy lost his first two teeth, Samantha celebrated her 8th birthday (got her ears pierced!), we picked out countertop and a sink for the kitchen, picked up the new cabinets and continue to work on that project. The snow is almost completely gone and the temps have been wonderfully springish. I have 6 weeks to go with this babe and am still feeling really, really good. Even my separated pelvis seems to be cooperating! At least the pain has somewhat diminished. I had Samantha take some pregnant pictures of me to post here but I turned out looking like some sort of demon possessed. Not something I wanted to share with the world anyway. ;)

Anyone looking for a quick update can probably stop reading right here. The rest of this post is another vent about my homeschool/public school frustrations. It seems to be the predominant theme in my life lately and although I wish I could, I just can't seem to trust that the answer is out there.

Our school offers a "looping classroom" where the kids will have the same teacher/classmates for first and second grade. I like the idea of this for Jeremy- he is the type of kid who would benefit from having the same teacher two years in a row, for various reasons. The deadline to sign up your child for this is next week- I also have to let the principal know about our plans to do the virtual school thing. So I brought it up to my husband one more time- just to clarify that we are on the same page. Weeeeeellllll- you can imagine what I am going to say next.

Apparently Derick has changed his mind about the virtual school thing. His arguments are like a dagger through my heart as he seems so far removed from my position on the issue. He was talking about things like more structure, keeping up with his peers, socialization, the importance of getting that "education"- he sounded like a regular card-carrying member of the NEA.
I asked him repeatedly to just trust my judgement, trust me to do the right thing , trust that I will be successful, etc. Nothin' doin'. He really thinks it will not work at. all. He kept saying that I have no idea how much work it will be to teach our children what they need to "keep up" and also care for a baby, and also work. I know what he means, I have had many of my own doubts about my ability to do it all. He just played into all my insecurities and I let him do it.

Fast forward to today- I get a letter from the school saying that Jeremy has been recommended for remedial kindergarten this summer. My first reaction was one of surprise- at Parent Teacher conferences a few weeks ago, I was led to believe that although it was sometimes a struggle for him- he was doing well. His teacher never once mentioned that he would be a candidate for remedial work. So now I am really, really torn. My heart tells me not to do it- do not enroll him in three more weeks of "school" this summer. He is a little boy who needs his summer to play and explore and have fun! But I know when Derick hears this he will be even more adamant that Jeremy go- to the remedial program and to public school next year, so he doesn't "fall behind". I am lost.

Right now, just a few hours after receiving the letter, my tentative plan is to talk to the teacher and find out why she is referring him- what areas does he need to work on- how bad is it, really? And then to find out why I haven't been told this would be a possibility until now. Is there a way I can keep this a secret from my husband? Not really, but boy the temptation is great. ;)

In thinking about this over the past several days, I have come to realize that even though he listens to my position on the public schools, he doesn't really hear me. He still believes that school is good for kids and nothing I can say will change that. So I either have to give in and honor his wishes, or buck the traditionalists a little bit and say, "hey- these are my kids too and I need to do what is best for them, regardless of what he says." The only question I have is whether or not I have the courage to take such a stand. At this point, I'm not sure that I do. I am not superwoman.

If you have read this far, thanks for sticking with me! ;) I am sorry it is such a downer- I am just really struggling right now.

Have a good one.

Forgive me...

2006-03-24T12:29:00.000-06:00

for being absent from bloggerville.

We've been struck with the ick. The fever, stomach ache, throwing-up ick. Ick!! It is slowly making it's way through the entire family- myself included.

I will be taking a brief break from blogging until we are back to 100%, or I have enough energy to bleach the entire house, whichever comes first.

See you soon- hopefully! ;)

I love being pregnant! Well, most of the time.

2006-03-21T18:56:00.000-06:00

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blissful pregnancy to bring you this.

This is something I had while pregnant with Joshua and was making every effort to avoid this time around. Last week I tried pushing a couple of heavy boxes with my foot (duh) when I felt something give in my pelvis. And now comes the pain. Darn it! I really didn't want to go through this again!

I can make it through the day if I move veerrrrryyyy sloooowwwly. No jumping out of bed or hopping into the car for this gal! I have to try and do everything with my legs parallel to each other- it really hurts when I use one leg and not the other, like when going up stairs. So I get into the van butt first and swing my legs in together. Pretty funny looking I am sure!

The worst so far is trying to roll over in bed- that brings tears to my eyes and I have been ending up on the couch which for some reason is more comfortable.

I will be seeing my midwife next week and hope she can refer me to a good chiropractor or physical therapist. In the meantime, I will be laughing at the clicking sound my hips make when I put my jeans on in the morning!

On another note, our kitchen remodel is coming along well. I can't tell you how excited I am to get it done. I will have so much more counter space- to knead bread or roll out dough- yippee!! Hopefully soon!

Have a great night!

Ramblings...

2006-03-16T20:15:00.000-06:00

I was trying to navigate my way around the blogosphere tonight but had a problem with my connection and everything was loading really slllooooowwwww. I tried to comment a few times but it just wouldn't do it. Everyone should know I am out there- lurking for now, hopefully things will improve tomorrow!

The kids had two snow days this week- which is highly unusual. They are usually lucky to get one- our district is notorious for having school when everyone around us has called it off. So they were home on Monday and Tuesday, went to school on Wednesday, and then had yesterday and today off for some sort of abbreviated spring break.

It has been nice having them around- the bickering and nasty talk did improve each day. Today they played really well together and came up with all sorts of imaginary worlds to play in. It was fun to watch, and good for me to see the improvement in how they treat each other. It definitely makes me believe that the public school setting has a huge impact on their behavior. They learn how to treat each other by being locked up in a room with 20 other kids of the same age- how unnatural is that?

Having them home has also reminded me, or shown me what I have been neglecting since school started. These things are things that we used to do so often and now just don't seem to have time for.
I have not read to them regularly since September.
We have not been to the public library once. (that's so sad)
We do not sit and snuggle on the couch like we used to- after school it's snacktime, playtime, supper time, bath time and bedtime. All within about 3.5 hours.
We do not go anywhere- I mean anywhere- except for school, town and home. I used to be spontaneous with little trips here and there-to places we have never been. Now- there's no time.
I spend more time doing laundry because I have this fear that I will send my children to school in clothes that are dirty or torn and people will think we're hillbillies. Really. When it's just me and the kids, I put less emphasis on clean clothes and more on creativity and playing outside. But with school looming every morning, I feel the pressure to have them dressed decently. Laundry has taken over my life.
My children have developed terrible table manners. We used to go out to restaurants with no problem, but lately, I am embarassed by their behavior. They interrupt each other, talk loud, reach across the table, sometimes end up on the floor. Again, I believe it is a direct result of the cafeteria setting where they are rushed to finish and must compete with the noise of 100 other kids.
Bedtime has become a huge battle because they simply must be sleeping by a certain time or the next day is pure hell, mostly because they have to get up early. Therefore , instead of being loving, nurturing, "come and lay in my bed and snuggle with me" mom, I become barking, snapping, "you need to be sleeping NOW!" mom. Ugh. Even I hate hearing myself.
Okay, okay, I didn't intend for this to become a list of "why I hate public schools". Sorry! It's just that I have been made more aware of these things by having the kids here this week.

I sincerely hope that next year will be different. I am anxious about my ability to handle it all- schooling all three kids, taking care of a baby and working. I guess only time will tell if this grand experiment is a success! ;)

A friend of mine from church brought her 13 day old baby last night. What a sweetheart! I love babies and was instantly in love with hers too, but boy, was it scary! It has been five years since I had a newborn in the house. I feel like I have forgotten everything there is to know about babies! Just seeing him and how little he is, I was a bundle of nerves. She gave him to me to hold, giggling because I looked like someone who has never held a baby before! It was pretty funny and she assured me that it will all come back to me. I know it will too, but boy, was that a wake-up call. Get ready mom! Here I come and I am going to be needing you every minute of the day! Don't make any plans! Don't think you're going to get any sleep! I'm coming and your life will never be the same... ;)

I am excited to meet this little person and I know he/she will fit into our family like they'd been with us forever.

Have a good one everybody!

I love this man!

2006-03-14T22:15:00.000-06:00

Again, I am reminded of that commercial where that guy stands in the middle of a crowded town square and yells, "I! Love! This! Woman!"

Fifteen years ago today, Derick hugged me and whispered in my ear,"I want you to be my girlfriend." Isn't that the sweetest thing? I had no idea at the time what that would lead to but I'm so glad I took the plunge!

Here are some recent reasons why I am reminded how blessed I truly am...

* Last night, after working a full shift, hubby came home and finished plowing our driveway. This morning when I went to take the kids to school, I found my previously buried van (see post below) all cleaned off and turned around, facing forward. (This would give my front-wheel drive a better chance of getting through the snow.)

*This morning, while attempting to take the kids to school (which ended up being cancelled again, but of course I didn't know that because I don't turn the TV on in the morning, but that's another post), I managed to get the aforementioned van stuck in the plow-in snowbank at the end of the driveway. One phone call to my sleeping hubby and he was out there to pull us out.

*After bringing the kids halfway to town, hubby calls to tell me school is cancelled. I head off to work instead, where I find four foot drifts in front of the church doors, and more plow-in snow to barrel through. I just went home because no way could I shovel that much snow (in my current condition). He hops on the four-wheeler, drives to the church, plows a decent spot for me and the pastor to park and then shovels enough to get us in the front door.

*I head home after my midwife appointment (in which everything is fine), and smell the heavenly smell of a roast in the oven.

*After I am done with work, I come home to find said roast ready to eat, with gravy and mashed potatoes.

* In between roast preparation, having three children underfoot, and rescuing his helpless wife, the man managed to hang a new ceiling fan in the dining room.

I am truly humbled by the ways in which this man serves his family.

Snow Day!

2006-03-13T19:08:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention that some of you on the west coast spent the better part of your Saturday searching for the all-elusive snow. (you know who you are!) ;)

Do you want to come visit and toss a few snowballs around? We woke up this morning to this...

And this... (the lower branches on the big pines are almost touching the ground under the weight of the snow)

This is our neighbor trying to plow with his 4-wheeler. He is actually on the road that goes in front of our house. It is now 7:15pm and the only real plow I have seen was a Git-R-Done type of guy in an orange pick-up. I have a feeling we will not be plowed out in the morning either.
And that's okay with me! ;)

We ended up right in the bullseye of this storm and got about 14 inches of heavy, wet snow. It snowed all day and the kids had a ball playing outside. It seems strange that yesterday we had green grass starting to make an appearance! Yesterday the chickens were out and about, picking at fresh spring bugs and worms. Today, we have seen nary a beak or a tail feather.

I love snow and this day was just about perfect. Literally snowed in, highways closed, with just me and my family- we did a lot of nothing. In the interest of complete honesty, I will admit that the kids and their bickering started to wear me down by the end of the day. They just don't know how to get along anymore. The two older ones have an "it's all about me" attitude and I struggle with reinforcing the proper way to treat each other. Aside from that small complaint, we had a pretty good day.

This snow is supposed to melt early next week when temperatures climb again. Then I suppose I will post pictures of the flooding and the mud! ;)

Have a good one everybody!

On death

2006-03-09T20:41:00.000-06:00

I used to not ever want to talk about death... ever. I avoided the subject- I avoided anything having to do with it. I somehow survived most of my life without having anyone really close to me die, so I never really had to think about it.

About four years ago this Mother's Day, that all changed. I suffered the first of three major deaths in my life that would occur all within about 18 months of each other. For a while, death was constantly on my mind. I had questions, I had anger, I had denial, I had the whole gamut of grieving emotions.

The first death, on Mother's Day 2002, was of a four-year old girl who I had come to love and cherish. She, her twin brother, and her mother were in one of my classes at the early childhood program where I worked. I spent once a week with them (and others) in a parent/child class. 45 minutes were spent all together, with parents doing one-on-one time with their kids, and 45 minutes were spent separated- the kids with an early childhood teacher and the parents with me. I got to know them very well and was absolutely devastated by her death. It was very sudden, and only an autopsy showed the real reason. She had contracted a rare strain of the influenza virus and became very sick, like with a cold. A secondary bacterial infection invaded her bloodstream and she died of sepsis.

The second death was but a few months later. It was a classmate from high school who I had lost touch with but who I remembered as being so kind to everyone. He was killed instantly in a motorcycle accident. His mother worked with my mother, his long-time (ex) girlfriend is one of my closest friends. He left behind a wife, a 6 year old son and a 10 month old daughter. They had already lost a baby a few years before to SIDS. I railed at God then-- How much tragedy could one family handle?

The third death was the following spring. This was another friend from high school who I had been very close to. His parents and my parents are still great friends and do lots of things together. He had been seeing a girl from his work for about 3 weeks but was trying to let her down gently because of her "psycho ex-boyfriend", in his words. The ex-boyfriend broke into my friend's home, held him hostage at gunpoint for three hours, shot him in the head and then killed himself. I could barely stand up when my dad called to tell me the news. All of us who hung around together back in the days sat together at the funeral and all I could think was how we were supposed to be at church for his wedding or the baptizing of his babies- not his funeral. It all seemed so wrong.

These three deaths, so close together and so sudden, really made me think long and hard about my own views of death and dying. I spent many hours on the phone talking with the mother of the four-year-old, sharing thoughts and ideas about God and His plan and how it all fits together. She has told me that I helped her tremendously through that time, but it was really the other way around.

I have come, in my own mind, to think of death in more practical terms. I no longer fear it, I no longer avoid it. I understand on a deeper level that eventually everyone will experience it. I know in my heart that we will be reunited with lost loved ones when we die. I have no doubt about this. I had heard the story of another little girl at my sister's church who was 18 months old when she died. She was very sick and her widowed grandmother was in the hospital chapel praying when she suddenly smelled the cologne of her deceased husband- the child's grandfather. She knew instinctively that Grandpa had come to take the little girl home.

I refuse to believe that tragedies like this- little children dying, young men being murdered, tragic accidents- are a part of God's plan. I don't picture my God sitting up in heaven with a heavy hand- snatching people away from loved ones as a form of punishment, or to "test" someone's faith. I think it is unfortunate that we have been taught this. How many times do you hear people say things like, "God must have needed him in heaven." or "It was God's will that she be taken so young." or "God's plan will be made known to us someday." I am sorry but I don't buy any of it.

The God I choose to believe in is a loving, compassionate God who is saddened by the tragic deaths (or any death) just as much, if not more, than we are. We are His children. He loved us enough to sacrifice His very own Son to save us. He loves us. People don't "test" the ones they love- especially by taking something valuable away- in this case, a friend or family member.

I firmly believe that because of what took place in the Garden of Eden, we are destined to live a life intertwined with evil. We will struggle against it, try our hardest to overcome it, but sometimes evil will win. When this happens, I believe that God is crying with us in heaven and is waiting with open arms to welcome the one who has passed. I like to think that all of my friends who have died rest comfortably in Jesus' embrace, while he holds them and reassures them that everything will be okay. Just like a parent would to a frightened child. It is not God's plan for us to suffer so. I won't believe that. I do believe that God will provide us with the means necessary to grieve and then to find comfort and peace.

I know this may fly in the face of what a lot of people believe to be true, but it is where I have found myself again and again after examining the whole issue.

Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

2006-03-07T14:30:00.000-06:00

I was wrong. Apparently they will schedule a conference call with the new boss only to tell you that you did not get the job.

I am not going to lie and pretend I am okay with this because I am not. I was very disappointed and sad. It seemed like such a great opportunity and I was really, really hoping it would work out.

The thing that had us the most um...... irritated? angry? frustrated?.... was that they made us wait almost a whole week to tell us this. That seems ridiculous- if you know you aren't going to hire someone, why drag it out for so long?

I know Jeremy is going to be heartbroken. He was so excited that his dad might be able to be home with us at night! He was telling all his teachers that his dad might get a job on first shift. How he handles this will be directly related to how I handle it. I need to make sure I put the most positive spin on it. I need the kids to know that in the end, it really doesn't matter. We are all still happy and healthy and still have a roof over our heads.

I am looking forward with eager eyes- to whatever the next opportunity might be. Hubby will be graduating this spring- maybe that will open some more doors for him. In the meantime, I will be holding down the fort and doing those things that mothers do.

Another quick update

2006-03-02T19:11:00.000-06:00

Well we thought we had good news today. Derick got a call from the HR lady wanting to set up a conference call with her and his potential new boss. There was no mention of whether or not he got the job but we were assuming a conference call with the new boss meant good things.

Until he got to work and found out the other guy who applied got the same phone call with the same request. What does that mean? I don't know what to think. I can't imagine they would set up a conference call just to tell someone they were not hired, right? So maybe they want to hire both of them- the job posting never said how many positions were open. I can think positive, can't I? ;)

The worst part of it is that the conference call is scheduled for next Tuesday so now we have more waiting. I am not very good at waiting.

Quick Update

2006-03-01T12:29:00.000-06:00

Well I guess the interview went well. Hubby said that he felt comfortable answering all the questions they asked and was able to give them the answers they wanted. He was very excited about the prospect of working there after he saw the facility. It is only one year old and I guess it was very nice- with a gate at the front entrance and a fully staffed cafe that serves breakfast and lunch. This job would be so much different than anything he has ever done- and yet still within his experience and training. We hope to know something today or tomorrow so keep on prayin'! ;)

I had parent-teacher conferences yesterday. I was very pleased with the teachers reports- they had nothing but great things to say about the kids. I almost felt like asking if we were talking about the same children! ;) The one thing they both said which is so important to me- far beyond any academic things- is that the kids are kind to everyone. They said things like, "will talk to anyone, isn't mean, likes everyone, very friendly, no pushing or shoving, gentle hearts, kind spirits" etc. I was so proud of them! They are getting it after all! Sometimes I wonder because of the way they bicker and fight at home- so it was nice to hear that when they are out in public they know how to treat people.

The rest of my day looks to be pretty low-key. We may be going to church tonight for Ash Wednesday services, and we may not. It will depend on how tired the kids are when they get home.

Have a great day everybody!

Today's the day!

2006-02-28T10:36:00.000-06:00

It's interview day for my hubby!

Please send up some prayers that everything goes well.

He was very calm and cool this morning. I, on the other hand, was not. ;)

I had a dream that they hired him and he came home and cried. Very strange- I have no idea what that means. (Pregnancy gives me the weirdest dreams!)

I will let you know as soon as we know- which could be today or it could be next week.

I am going to go and immerse myself in laundry and dishes to take my mind off of things for a while!

Have a great day!